great story idea

It is a historical psychological drama thriller type thing, about a fictional figure head and a mysterious death and the person least expected is guilty though the killer had not premeditated their role is assisting a death.

I had the idea as I researched about fat trapping away toxins like pesticides, I thought maybe a monarch would be genetically predisposed to with stand attempts to poison them, and it would be long forgotten anyhow, until they begin to become overweight and look to loose weight, thereby releasing toxins that  overcome the body and cause death, all because someone suggested a way to loose weight successfully....murderer?

It would make a good story!

this must end.

No more. I finally decided to step back and realize the big picture of what is going on here. I loose a LOT of weight, and get excited, but feel fatter, so I exercise probably to an extreme, I am trying to make up for the loss of locomotion. And I drop a bunch of sizes, and like the way I look, but I weigh myself to find that I have gained all of the weight back, plus, exercise makes me so hungry! Repeat. I decide that all the eating is why I gained weight so I diet pretty rigidly,  until I start to feel fat again, so I weigh myself and find that I actually lost a significant amount of weight. But, I feel so fat and I have gained my larger size figure back, so I exercise which leads to eating, uh oh!

I thought I figured it all out, so, I did modern exercise combined with fasting, and it works, truly, but, my body wants to be a certain size that I do not like, ahhrg!

So, this morning, I figured, in my figuring mindset that I would rather not feel large and loose weight. So, I am going to terraform, so to speak, my body with food and exercise, and I am not going to like it, and may even certain aspects of my duties painful, but that is what I have decided from a distance needs to be done, and additionally, I have read about how a group of people were trapped in a difficult cycle and discovered that the only possibility of deliverance was divine aid. I think it is the most necessary part of my health that I have been omitting because I deemed it one of those matters that were of no consequence to my Heavenly Father. But, it does matter to me and as a preschool teacher I learned that if a need like food or some creature comfort is causing stress it will effect the possibility of improvement in other areas.... so like, to improve test scores, bring a snack for your class....meaning, sure weight is insignificant, but in my case it has become a stumbling block for other more significant matters. I ought to include my Heavenly Father if I hope for success of any kind. Especially at certain mile makers, I will need to be strengthened.

Fasting is a true tool, causing change, but only one of many tools and but a part in the desired goal in this case.

brain dump

Notes from my morning study.

turn strengths into weakness.

wife said, "they got the right man for the job."

jesus doesn't fill up the difference jesus makes all the difference grace isn't about filling gaps it is about filling us.

Heaven will not be Heavenly for those who have not chosen to be in Heaven (and practiced such)...this last quote is pretty much exactly the point I tried to make when explaining to Brian Whisenant our high standards (by "our" I was referring to latter-day Saints opposed to other Christian denominations) I used the metaphor of playing Golf or hitting  a target. though the goal may be quite a long way off if we say the reward is the distance, hole in one is not so likely, but, practice makes a huge difference and though we might have chosen a easier destination or target, we see each stroke that doesn't end in perfection or successful completion as one try, but not a reason to give up but think of how much closer we have become, and try again.

I also think a lot of the Book, the Great Divorce, by C.S.Lewis.

awesome quote alert!

"If God relates to a diverse number of people 

in diverse ways then 

there must be diverse ways to relate to him". 

This thought helps me understand Norse Paganism... and all religions actually. Even Judaism and many hard to understand laws.

life happens in circles

I was pondering life and all the places I have been and things I had done that were even common place to me at the time. But, now they are foreign and I cannot even recall. Like touring Europe playing my trombone, I know that I did it because I have records of such and have repeatedly told a few stories, but I do not remember things like visiting Neuschweinstien or shopping in Switzerland, but I did. I was around 13 years old, the age of my children. I do recall one thing that has been extremely significant in my life and it happened not far from where I currently live. I doubt that is much of a significance. Also, I teach a primary class in the very place used as the Celestial Kingdom. I still have those memories. I was 17 and was alone in the room for a long while with billows sheer white curtains and a song "Alleluia" by Kenneth Cope. Everything about that youth conference effected my life and choices so much! I am going to listen to that song now.

https://youtu.be/ntjGknj7gxU?si=Eneo9goHDFsRU_R0

LOTR N BOM

I was just thinking about a song by Janice Kapp Perry and started singing " ...a book that gave a nation life". In the book of Mormon a prophet Enos recalls the words of his father while he was out hunting, well, I wasn't hunting, but in a similar way, the words came from a place within me and I started thinking about how a book could give a nation light and so, isn't that what Tolkein was doing for England with the Lord of the Rings? He was trying to create a sudden history or myth for England, but even my kids were having fun trying to assess factions like dwarves and Elves concluding that it ended up being a mock history of all of Europe. 

But, it doesn't end there, what about "The Odessey". Literature has always used story telling to convey wisdom and truth. I just watched a video yesterday where a group was quite upset about white/Europeans appropriating The Bible/Christianity, anyhow, my original thought, let me jump back, was how we will study the Oddessy and LOTR forever as great literature but, not the Bible or the BOM (Book of Mormon) and I had many friends and rolemodels leave the church decrying it as pure fiction.

The Book of Mormon is proven false in their eyes because the native Americans are not genetically Middle Eastern. But, honestly, the book ends with most of the people being killed off, so the native Americans are not necessarily the BOM people, much as very few even believe that a race of Elves exist, or minotaur for that matter, still something can be gained from studying records of them. I guess my gripe this morning is that if a book gave a nation light, wouldn't it be worth reading and studying? They made the book of Mormon into videos to watch and I think it should be as exciting and popular as the Hobbit, and seen as such : someone's idea of how things were, so go back and read what actually was written.

Lastly, I do not recall where, but I heard that originally Homer's Odyssey was used much as our Bible is today, and ideals and morals of those stories were taught. Generations were raised learning to be like so and so, many things change, but truth never does.

you can be patient

"Jesus is the God of miracles, nothing is at all impossible to him. Yet, this I know the most incredible of all his miracles is the one that rescues you and me."

From song, "The Miracle" by Shawna Edward's.

I was thinking about all of the miracles performed by Jesus that are amazing and contrary to "the way things are", I was amazed to consider that it was considered a greater miracle to be saved from sin, this, just was, to me.

I thought of how oblivious I had been to so very many miracles, and it was because they were not note worthy to me. In that thought, I was grateful that I valiantly stuck around when brain learning conflicted with things I had been instructed. I blindly clung to things that merely felt true, asking myself why was I being so foolish. Then, thus morning as I was watching, "The Chosen" season 3 episode 4 when Little James asks why he wasn't healed I understood...sure all of those physics defying tricks made for good stories, and serve as evidence to support the premise that nothing is impossible for our father in Heaven a.k.a God, but my testimony was understood as being a better story because the miracle is that I still waited and believed things I not only could not know, but had learned so much to contradict.

Often, I wished that I could be one of those believers, who feel so intently, like the people who believe the world is flat when every single thing denotes otherwise, and because I wanted to believe, I continued to do as one who did believe.... much like the scripture that explained that a witness comes after the trial of our faith... like that part I was actually looking for to watch when asked about healing the response was, " Yes, I believe. Help thou my unbelief."

Now, let it be said and known that I have never been a hypocrite. I did not feel like I was going through the motions or as a popular song states,  "praying to a God that I don't believe in". A church is like a hospital where one goes to be made whole. I did benefit and grew a lot along the way, but this morning I was thinking, "man, I have been so blind. I had eyes but didn't see. I am so glad I just stuck around for so long, but why did I?" The words spoken by Jesus on the show were, " Because, I trust you." Yeah, I bet that it was known beforehand that I would have this long struggle unaware of it, but ultimately I would be able to focus on the truths that matter and patiently just keep learning and growing until I was miraculously able to know spiritual truths that I had only hoped for.