today is a big day

I came to this conclusion in lesser degrees line upon line it is more or less a commulation of hundreds of small thoughts that together led to this big conclusion.

I was praying about what on earth I should do about my health, I was perplexed with my latest review of my statistics, at the time each made sense, but when stepping back and looking for trends and such I couldn't make sense of it. My logical conclusion was that my blood sugar spiked because I needed it to so that I would be able to exercise. And whenever I did not exercise because of low blood-sugar the result is that my body always performs ideally. One might even call it a miracle.

So, I was praying and almost complaining/crying about how it just makes no sense... back up... the reason I was praying in the first place was because of some quote from a lesson in institute about if we had faulty hardware we would contact the manufacturer, and God is the creator of all so, I 100% knew that he could easily see what was going on here. And my undeniable answer was that when I actually start doing the things I have already been told, it will all work out. At this point I jolted up and decided to make a chart for the things I had the idea to do but at first bit of resistance I gave up. I will try harder. I will not be the good seed that never took root.

Then, as I was washing some dishes I thought about how many times I had prayed that I be healthy and strong. Well, duh! I meant it didn't I? Why be confused that I had health and strength regardless what the other gurus said should happen.

Ultimately, my dad was right. I really get tired of realizing that. Ofcourse he was right. That's why I chose him to be my dad! By the number of kids you can tell he was popular, no? I digress.

My conclusion is that if I pray for health and strength I will have it. I honestly should stop thinking Heavenly Father would have the same ideal in mind as does the rest of the world.

It is going to be hard,  to stop exercising so much and eat when I get hungry and pray, but I believe it will make me truly beautiful, regardless if that seems so. Honestly,  most of the people I think are truly beautiful would not win even runner up in a beauty pageant, so theres that.

I need to focus my time and energy elsewhere, this self-help, health crap is a perfectly designed stumbling block! It actually reminds me of the leaders who tried to get people to do something other than what was needful at a youth conference. I thought I was so clever because I knew what was going on there, and yet, I failed to see this while it was wasting my precious time away.

I conclude that beauty is not going to look the same on every person.

memory

I can nearly remember this, but, something told me to write it down to recall later, so I will try to recall what I can.

It was 2000 and I had flew to Seattle to buy maternity clothes. It was cheaper to buy a flight and shop and thrift stores than to buy things at maternity stores. I wore a red outfit someone had given me in Nashville. It was from a lady who decided that she was not yet done with her maternity clothes and ask for them back  I can recall that her husband was on the high council and he was from Gallatin or Hendersonville. Anyway. My memory is from visiting the Temple. I used to absolutely love the temple grounds and garden at the temple in Renton, so as I was outside and confiscating on family and such as a pregnant woman does, I saw a family sort of playing together. Nothing else struck my mind, but that the children idolized their father and it made me miss Brandall and think of how I hoped our children would someday look at their dad that way. And that is it. I used to remember more, but fear that if I do not write this down I will not even remember that it even happened at all. I have no visual recollection anymore of it. But, I know that it happened.. wait, it was in tge summertime, so it had to be 2001. I did not get married in 2000, just engaged... so, that is what I could recall 🤔 and it was important for some reason, so I am writing it down... a FHE lesson is in my thoughts of an object lesson where I relate a candles by applying a foam to the lingering smoke trail. It was a lesson taught by Thomas S. Monson called "Holy Smokes" to teach your children the value of keeping a journal.

great story idea

It is a historical psychological drama thriller type thing, about a fictional figure head and a mysterious death and the person least expected is guilty though the killer had not premeditated their role is assisting a death.

I had the idea as I researched about fat trapping away toxins like pesticides, I thought maybe a monarch would be genetically predisposed to with stand attempts to poison them, and it would be long forgotten anyhow, until they begin to become overweight and look to loose weight, thereby releasing toxins that  overcome the body and cause death, all because someone suggested a way to loose weight successfully....murderer?

It would make a good story!

this must end.

No more. I finally decided to step back and realize the big picture of what is going on here. I loose a LOT of weight, and get excited, but feel fatter, so I exercise probably to an extreme, I am trying to make up for the loss of locomotion. And I drop a bunch of sizes, and like the way I look, but I weigh myself to find that I have gained all of the weight back, plus, exercise makes me so hungry! Repeat. I decide that all the eating is why I gained weight so I diet pretty rigidly,  until I start to feel fat again, so I weigh myself and find that I actually lost a significant amount of weight. But, I feel so fat and I have gained my larger size figure back, so I exercise which leads to eating, uh oh!

I thought I figured it all out, so, I did modern exercise combined with fasting, and it works, truly, but, my body wants to be a certain size that I do not like, ahhrg!

So, this morning, I figured, in my figuring mindset that I would rather not feel large and loose weight. So, I am going to terraform, so to speak, my body with food and exercise, and I am not going to like it, and may even certain aspects of my duties painful, but that is what I have decided from a distance needs to be done, and additionally, I have read about how a group of people were trapped in a difficult cycle and discovered that the only possibility of deliverance was divine aid. I think it is the most necessary part of my health that I have been omitting because I deemed it one of those matters that were of no consequence to my Heavenly Father. But, it does matter to me and as a preschool teacher I learned that if a need like food or some creature comfort is causing stress it will effect the possibility of improvement in other areas.... so like, to improve test scores, bring a snack for your class....meaning, sure weight is insignificant, but in my case it has become a stumbling block for other more significant matters. I ought to include my Heavenly Father if I hope for success of any kind. Especially at certain mile makers, I will need to be strengthened.

Fasting is a true tool, causing change, but only one of many tools and but a part in the desired goal in this case.

brain dump

Notes from my morning study.

turn strengths into weakness.

wife said, "they got the right man for the job."

jesus doesn't fill up the difference jesus makes all the difference grace isn't about filling gaps it is about filling us.

Heaven will not be Heavenly for those who have not chosen to be in Heaven (and practiced such)...this last quote is pretty much exactly the point I tried to make when explaining to Brian Whisenant our high standards (by "our" I was referring to latter-day Saints opposed to other Christian denominations) I used the metaphor of playing Golf or hitting  a target. though the goal may be quite a long way off if we say the reward is the distance, hole in one is not so likely, but, practice makes a huge difference and though we might have chosen a easier destination or target, we see each stroke that doesn't end in perfection or successful completion as one try, but not a reason to give up but think of how much closer we have become, and try again.

I also think a lot of the Book, the Great Divorce, by C.S.Lewis.

awesome quote alert!

"If God relates to a diverse number of people 

in diverse ways then 

there must be diverse ways to relate to him". 

This thought helps me understand Norse Paganism... and all religions actually. Even Judaism and many hard to understand laws.

life happens in circles

I was pondering life and all the places I have been and things I had done that were even common place to me at the time. But, now they are foreign and I cannot even recall. Like touring Europe playing my trombone, I know that I did it because I have records of such and have repeatedly told a few stories, but I do not remember things like visiting Neuschweinstien or shopping in Switzerland, but I did. I was around 13 years old, the age of my children. I do recall one thing that has been extremely significant in my life and it happened not far from where I currently live. I doubt that is much of a significance. Also, I teach a primary class in the very place used as the Celestial Kingdom. I still have those memories. I was 17 and was alone in the room for a long while with billows sheer white curtains and a song "Alleluia" by Kenneth Cope. Everything about that youth conference effected my life and choices so much! I am going to listen to that song now.

https://youtu.be/ntjGknj7gxU?si=Eneo9goHDFsRU_R0