morning thought

Losing weight is out of the question for me. Perhaps it is the BMI thingy was designed for little people because my readings were all above average or excellent, except for my body weight it is calculated to be high, but, just mu muscle weight is over my desired weight, and the more I work out the lower my fat weight goes and the higher my muscle weight. But, according to  typical calculations, my body fat is dangerously low and so is my subcutaneous fat, still my BMI is "Overweight" though, I do not look or feel overweight. And my calculated age is 53, well, I am still 51 (for about 2 months). But I look much younger than absolutely everyone my age. In fact, just this past week, it was debated when I was declared the oldest person present. Even my siblings have gray hair, but I'm the 2nd oldest. Anyhow, should I stop the strength training? My BMR was estimated to be 1725 calories, so, basically, if I ate that many calories per day ( which I don't) and did not exercise at all I would use every calorie, and I do. I only gain weight when I eat more, out of curiosity not craving or anything. But, consistantly not getting enough energy but forcing my body to work raised my level of cortisol sky high, couple that with not being able to get good sleep (more than about 4 hours) for over 20 years, it is amazing that my body has been able to survive and still be healthy. 

In the hospital, the doctors would tell me that a healthy body gains weight. So, as I increased my health, and did truly feel better, I gained weight. To the point where now, I am overweight... and I don't know what to do. 

Maybe my scale is completely wrong, and it is not muscle but fat and water, but, I do tests on myself and find rules and principles that if adhered to produced exact output. 

1) though I have been told that a brain uses keytones,  I even took exogenous keytones and saw no discernible result.

2) I believed that fasting would force my body to use fat stores for energy, but after 5 days of no food, none of the mentioned results followed and I watched tons of videos. I only have noticed with my new scale that my weight fluctuates between 5lb s of water weight throughout the day, so fasting depleted my water surplus weight, but eventually I gain it back, I thought I was loosing fat or muscle, but currently, I am over 50% water weight, so it makes sense that fasting would cause weight loss.

3) I have been made to believe that people are vastly unhealthy and they need to loose weight to achieve health. I suspect that a I already am healthy and loosing weight would only be the result of me trying to fit a societal standard of appearance because I do not look like an average physically fit person.

morning thought

All along, I have been quantifying my success wrong. I have been waiting to be smaller, and lose weight. But, it has taken me a great deal of time to realize that to more I exercise is directly related to the weight I gain. However, through comparitive unbaised measurements, I realized that (after my huge realization that I was flooded with cortisol) although my body is overweight, it is healthy, and the only factor that are high are water weight and muscle tone making my calcuted (incorrectly, I suspect) bmr is extremely high and my report recommends i gain some fat and try to at least meet my body's metabolic needs.

I have been going by the fact that our health is more driven by what we eat than what stress we put our bodies through. And frankly, it has become nearly impossible to stress out my muscles. They keep growing and adapting. I have significantly more muscle body weight than my husband. And this morning the only thing that gained (causing cumulative weight gain) weight was my fat free body weight which reads well above my desired weight. Thos is what is causing me to ponder this morning. In college, when I was much slimmer, I still weighed over 140lbs. That was about 40 years ago. I needto keep moving, but must stop listening to what others are or do. My weight does not matter, I am healthy by all accounts only I want to be smaller. Honestly, I ought to be a better example to others that despite what the world teaches beauty is, true beauty does not come from external measurements but inner peace.

morning thought

There is so much said regarding temple symbolism. Well, isn't language symbolism, so all the symbols in the temples are messages (that was a random side thought). Our bodies are temples, that is quite well accepted and understood. I was telling my daughter that she believed something, and she was saying it was preposterous because she doesn't even know what she believes yet. But, I was trying to show her, like Sherlock Holmes, or all geometry actually, we can know the unknown through the known, and by what I know, I can extrapolate other things. It was spoken by a church authority once about how we do not get to pick and choose programs and doctrines that they ascribe to. It is like dominoes, because she had just born her testimony about prophets, I knew what she believed about identity because she is not a hypocrite and in the proclamation on the family (Signed by and created by prophets), I digress... my thought was that our bodies are temples and they are full of symbolism. I just saw a video where a person was listing symbols found in our bodies and then with a few assertions explained that that alone was a testimony of creation over evolution, and I liked that thought, so I let it flourish in my thoughts.

brain dump

relationships are only established when there is trust, so we build a relationship with Heavenly father by practicing trust in our Heavenly Father. without trust there is no relationship. 

Our Heavenly Father trusted us by letting us go, that is soooo difficult to do with our children.

God gave us ways to return, like the atonement, so that we could be forgiven. likewise, we need to record or journal so that our children will know, if needed, how the proper way was established to handled the situation. salvation is personal, not congregational. 

God understands us individually, and will do all he can to help us return, we just need to learn to believe that and accept and live by that knowledge. 

A covenant is more than a promise.

God is bound to keep any of his covenants he makes (d&c 82:10)and he made some with us.

I think of Abraham's covenant and how Sarah demonstrated and it is recorded for every generation how she lacked faith or trust that God would be able to keep his promise without her help, so she gave Abraham her handmaiden, and to this day so much blood shed and strife is a result of that choice.

When we break covenants we suffer the consequences... the only exception is the atonement. (pause to think)

Everything in nature functions through laws or in other words - by way covenant we can depend that the sun will raise each morning.

new schedule

From all of my research, which has been scientific and thorough, I am going to start a new routine, aimed at health and ultimately happiness ( which is what I was indirectly aiming for with the weight loss crap). My new plan will avoid snake oil or other stumbling blocks or detours that money can cause by being free....cause if someone is selling it, you cannot trust them.

1) wake up and do radio taiso, followed by stretch routine. Taichi for balance while my glucose spikes, then study the Book of Mormon until the kids go to school. Then do my mile walk while doing Icelandic vocabulary.

2) at noon, eat  followed by AB workout.

3) composition time until kids get home.

4) dinner, then walk as a family.

5) no food or electronics after 8pm.

6) CFM scripture at 8pm.

7) Take a bath, do stretch routine, and fall asleep by 10pm

are you really strong enough?

I felt inspired to record the impression I just had during my morning study of The Book of Mormon. I am trying to wrap my head around every concept and story in a broad stroke of firstly, 1 Nephi, and Someone me toned something I never  considered implications of before. It was in the dream that Lehi had of the tree of life, and he portook of tge fruit and it was incredibly desirous...yeah, and then he instantly looks for his family to share it with. And when he sees them he calls out and beckons to them. Isn't that noteworthy?

He does not leave the tree once he finds it, though he wants to share it, no doubt about it. It reminded me of a scene in the video about Gordon B. Hinckley where his wife says that she always knew that he would place God first in his life. And it is clear how if you place God first, your relationship with eachother will be strengthened, I digress... The realization to share was that one ought not ever considered themselves sufficient to a task, or in otherworldly, strong enough. 

We often feel mighty and strong and sure when we are being helped but if we wander off to help others that confidence will fade fast.

long story made short

I have made the resolution to study the book of Mormon for at least an hour per day. Because I am following, though late, Ezra Taft Benson's admonition to start from the inside out. And though I made huge progress in health beauty alludes me physically, and I realized that appearance does not even matter... there was a line from the movie Amadeus where a opera singer says, "only talent concerns a woman of taste." When told that Mozart was not at all attractive.