this must end.

No more. I finally decided to step back and realize the big picture of what is going on here. I loose a LOT of weight, and get excited, but feel fatter, so I exercise probably to an extreme, I am trying to make up for the loss of locomotion. And I drop a bunch of sizes, and like the way I look, but I weigh myself to find that I have gained all of the weight back, plus, exercise makes me so hungry! Repeat. I decide that all the eating is why I gained weight so I diet pretty rigidly,  until I start to feel fat again, so I weigh myself and find that I actually lost a significant amount of weight. But, I feel so fat and I have gained my larger size figure back, so I exercise which leads to eating, uh oh!

I thought I figured it all out, so, I did modern exercise combined with fasting, and it works, truly, but, my body wants to be a certain size that I do not like, ahhrg!

So, this morning, I figured, in my figuring mindset that I would rather not feel large and loose weight. So, I am going to terraform, so to speak, my body with food and exercise, and I am not going to like it, and may even certain aspects of my duties painful, but that is what I have decided from a distance needs to be done, and additionally, I have read about how a group of people were trapped in a difficult cycle and discovered that the only possibility of deliverance was divine aid. I think it is the most necessary part of my health that I have been omitting because I deemed it one of those matters that were of no consequence to my Heavenly Father. But, it does matter to me and as a preschool teacher I learned that if a need like food or some creature comfort is causing stress it will effect the possibility of improvement in other areas.... so like, to improve test scores, bring a snack for your class....meaning, sure weight is insignificant, but in my case it has become a stumbling block for other more significant matters. I ought to include my Heavenly Father if I hope for success of any kind. Especially at certain mile makers, I will need to be strengthened.

Fasting is a true tool, causing change, but only one of many tools and but a part in the desired goal in this case.