writing out loud

Diary of Anne Frank... I am writing as if to someone. It helps me put place markers to better recall and sort through information.

I have considered why I gain weigh, and how it feels inevitable. I really do not share/hold much in common with others, so...why would I even care about common thought? I have compassion on others who suffer this stage of life, and are still trying to cling to our older selves.... compassion, thinking of Christ now... I understand weight gain as an opportunity to still be alive but not interfering with the younger generation of people. Then, I started to get upset fir those who had not my understanding.  They likely have some cold scientific explanation that places no worth of the beauty of turning outward out of necessity at first because it is no longer about us. And THIS is the idea I want to explore. 

Without faith or any plan for our bodies, we would explain our existence as some black and white, cause and effect. It seems to me this is at this age entirely wrong. It is like how the brilliance of Einstein crumbles with quantum physics and becomes "spooky" like God and miracles do.

If we explained what we are all along through evolution then what would the evolutionary purpose of old age be?

Is it a mistake to be alive still? If so, darn those hospitals and wellness centers. I wish I had been distracted enough by food or sex to have died instead of living moderately.