You aren't fearless

but, you have the ability toovercome fear.

I was looking up Macy Gray, but found

Jim Cavizel just in time for Chritmas. cool. huh?

Figured it out

A huge problem has been figured out, I figured out what is missing in my life, and why I was not happy with loving Brandall forever and eventually left. I lacked someone who was an extension of myself, always on my side, who I could confide in.

I never felt that way with Brandall. When I met Nick I thought it was communication, and it sort of is, i need to feel like i can tell them anything and they are privy to everything that is me, like a constant facebook. They will share things, too and They will be able to give advice because they know me so well. I realized this because, like my daughters have expressed, I cannot "talk" to Nick and really that explains my dreams of "pillow talk" too and my thoughts of how secrets can be shared without speaking, maybe looking or a kiss, anyway it is a deeper connection. I have always lacked it. but we really do not have a word for it. Poets and Philosophers have tried to explain it by calling it love, which encompasses everything we feel but don't understand. Pretty broad of a term. As I said in a poem before it was stretched to mean too much and now like a deflated balloon it needs hot air to capture it's essence.

Oh, i'll figue something else out, right now, I need to watch a movie and go to sleep.

order

Things must be done in order.

Pretty basic, huh? You don't try to put shampoo in your hair befor you get it wet or grab your towel and dry yourself off before you bathe; likewise, you shouldn't try to teach children to love until you know how.

You really ought not to have children or try to raise them until you are married to someone you love. Take it from me. It will make everything easier. It. was intended that way so that children could be loved by people who love eachother as they all want, but we do have a limited window of opportunity to have childen, right? Well, there are always exceptions to any given rule, with the eception of, lol, j/k.

That is why I have such diffuculties. I was doing everything right, but obviously i did something wrong because my "ideal husband" divorced me. Our perfect family was destroyed, And it is only natural that those children want me to love their dad and in turn love them together. That much won't change, but in Christianity there must be some room for making mistakes as I did, though I still do not know what that mistake was. I must find the way to be forgiven and get a start over, knowing what I know now.

I know now that you can't bend a cracker no mater how hard you may try. I love that song, but you can bend a cracker.

I have a new obsession!

Well, not really an obsession, but someone I thik I would like if I met them.
I hardly know enough yet, but if I can find enough to hook myself, I'll be hooked.

Amos Lee.

I figure it would be better than pining over Brandall, that's a bit like spinning my wheels.

Just got home from the 5th annual Nativity lighting Concert.

I ought to include who perfomed what:

Invocation: (and it was in a school!)Pastor Neal Humprey (let us pray)

Davis Master Corale
Director: James Johnson accompianist: Christie Canfield
Songs: "Have you Seen the Baby"
"Born is the Light of the World"

Layton Chistian Academy Neo-classical band (very delightful)
Directors: Rey Roa and Caleb Shreyer
Medley: "Away in the manger, Silent Night/What child is This"(my favorite)

St. Rose of Lima Cathloic Church (Acapella)
Conductor: Alfonso Tenreiro
Songs: "Angels we have heard on High"
"Agnus Dei" composed by director (ah, that explains it)

LDS Valley View Ward
Director: Debbie West
Accompanist: Byran Richards (very good!)
Songs: "We're You There"
"Away in a Manger"

Mt. View Baptist Church (audience pleasers - used cd accomp.)
Director: Leon Shelton
Songs: "Run to the Manger"
"Emmanuel (Hallowed Manger Ground)"
"Emmanuel" feat a guy with audience beat keeping!lol

Layton High's Laytones
Director: Katie Stanger Accompanist: Justin Ly
Songs: "We Three Kings" (a capella)
"Silent Night"

Blessing of the Nativity: Father Clarence (everytime a bell rings...) Sandoval

My highlights

This was my attepmt at taking a photo daily, but I was distracted by a screaming Mary.