A huge problem has been figured out, I figured out what is missing in my life, and why I was not happy with loving Brandall forever and eventually left. I lacked someone who was an extension of myself, always on my side, who I could confide in.
I never felt that way with Brandall. When I met Nick I thought it was communication, and it sort of is, i need to feel like i can tell them anything and they are privy to everything that is me, like a constant facebook. They will share things, too and They will be able to give advice because they know me so well. I realized this because, like my daughters have expressed, I cannot "talk" to Nick and really that explains my dreams of "pillow talk" too and my thoughts of how secrets can be shared without speaking, maybe looking or a kiss, anyway it is a deeper connection. I have always lacked it. but we really do not have a word for it. Poets and Philosophers have tried to explain it by calling it love, which encompasses everything we feel but don't understand. Pretty broad of a term. As I said in a poem before it was stretched to mean too much and now like a deflated balloon it needs hot air to capture it's essence.
Oh, i'll figue something else out, right now, I need to watch a movie and go to sleep.
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