All of my words came raining on me in a torrential downpour it seems, I decided to use my own advice, and althouh it terrifies me, it also delights me. I suppose I am well enough now to see things more clearly, and a clear vision was the thing I lacked and it made me so dependant on others, I am ready to stand, and I do not have a clear path, yeah, I probably got that phrase in my head from playing final fantasy, it has been an obsession of mine for a long time and whenever I step far enough out in front of my life to see it in hindsight, I start remembering my love of the game and it successfully sucks in my time. uurrrgh!
Todays main thought was thatI have not been the coward that I feared that I was. When I was expecting Joseph, I was 2 things 1) confused and frced to make a decision and 2)completely without options as far as healthcare or insurance, but I just prayed and figured that God would work things out, and he did. I wanted to see my children so badly, it is nearly impossible to explain in words how I longed to see them. So, instead of freaking out because my mother said that I ought not come back home, because it wouldn't set the right example for them. I had only one option left pray for them to somehow be with me again, and everything worked out! They are with me twice each month and I have two more children. My hardest lesson has been to learn patience. It is true that I am overly anxious. the word relax means to loosen upto allow more perspective and as my perspective is enlarged things are less complicated, and hardships fade away. Commonly, this -- I cannot concentrate until this song is over...
I have been wisely encouraged to keep eternal perspective, right now that word "keep" stands out. being aware of things on an eternal scale is not hard, but when they conflict with immediate things or desires, keeping that perspective becomes a real chore. getting isn't the trouble. I can see just as so many "mortals" love to say things like "carpe diem" or make bucket lists, as they supposedly would do differently when faced with eternal consequences sooner. I wrote a story in college about people coming to anothe world to see how they would behave differently if their actions had suspended consequences.
One character thought it would be to his advantage because he loved this woman and believed that he would have a chance of somehow wining her affection if he could bend the rules a little, which could be done without immediate consequences.
Oh! I just got another story idea, of how the internet and social media is being used in desperation to sort through folk and find a particular someone. It could be kinda like the Screwtape letters continued. But the idea in that Book of Mormon video about Martin Harris and how no man can thwart the plan of God because his scheme was already accounted for. In my story, things will be accounted for in a way that is not understood presently by the heroine/hero who is not at all what they were and love, making them seem unrecognizeable to those who might search, but, what hardship is suffered temporarily for a better purpose long term. I have been thinking this thought a lot lately, all of our trials and misfortunes only seem such. Hence, eternal perpective must be achieved to really gain Peace of mind.
So much is unfolding to me today! it is the dawning of a new life, one that is so much more understanding and hopeful.
I feel like that girl who prayed in the movie 17 miracles. I do not know how things will work out and I really have some serious needs right now, but I also think of what Adele Joseph said about moving here, If God wanted her here, he would prepare a situation for her when she can't do anything more. I really can't do anything more except believe and know that things will work out. Haven't I seen enough of that to know it?
Ok, that was enough of my little outpour of words. Time to go sleep/dream.
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