brain dump from feb 23, 2014

She read family scriptures every morning, and so she did not really absorb much, but she did gain a strong testimony of the plan of salvation's dependency on families and their constant devotion to doing thing together.

character is the yard stick used to measure our progression.

Trial or struggles use our character as a crutch, they don't build it.

Decided to do things.

Freedom to choose comes with the responsibility to choose.

Think of the Cheshire cat and how it advised Alice when she stood at a crossroad. That applies to is all when making a decision. "It doesn't matter which way you go if you don't want to get anywhere in particular."

The road is less traveled because it is hard.

look up quote by king Benjamin, "consider the blessed state of those who do righteousness." and note how to receive such blessings we must choose righteous things.

SS
e-mail is like a prayer.

Do not pray for trials. (consider this)

communication I harder when we already know better... Like Mom who explained that teens seem to know everything whereas mother knows nothing.

**Later, I talked to the woman and she told me that once she played a game with her kids and said they were so right and smart and sort of reverse psychologied them and explained that they were so right and they ought to teach her cause she didn't know anything. She also told me that on time she told someone they must've missed the memo about her knowing it all. the response was that it was  shredded.**

To become an adult we must become responsible. There is a sot of "paradigm shift" where we realize that things are not revolving around us, and if we do not place others first they might die.

Others do not like it when we only approach them with a need. God is the same way.

Prayer is a great blessing. ?

about 80% of trials are self-inflicted.

read Bible Dictionary entry on prayer.

Prayer is a form of work.

We do not pray to others so do not worry about how what we ask might appear

We need a mediator because no unclean thing can be endured by Heavenly Father.

RS
"You can Do It Now"

If we fall down and think that we cannot get up we are right. but we can always get up. "If there is a will there is a way."

toughness is a delusion confusing us regarding strength.

We all tend to be vulnerable at night time largely due to exhaustion which helps make us susceptible to delusions or false hopes or other tools of the devil to make our worth seem less.

Story of a boy flubbing up on Sacrament prayer...

we learned a lot from the exercise of listing worldly sorrows vs, Godly sorrows. The world leaves us feeling like we are not good enough, whereas Godly sorrow is constructive.

No one likes to fail or be seen as lesser.

**I just noticed that the times I have had a thing to say, but do not how the teacher has seemed lost, but really I wonder how comments simply could not be accounted for and at times buttons are pushed sending us way off topic, and that is why I do not speak up. I would rather learn what has been prepared than share what I was thinking.**

"Destiny is not determined by the number of times we fell, but the number of times we got back up". So, must look at our failures as an opportunity to get back up and be happy for the chance to show our character (that seems worldly still but better).

Parenting moments can be good or not. In terms of correction, if we seek to do it rightwe need to be humble and rely on God.

**story time! One day I took the kids to the park. It was snowy, and for some reason Gavin took off his shoes! My first reaction was to get angry and demand that he put them back on. But, he just kept screaming so loudly. I was first afraid of being perceived as the cause of this and wanted to shut him up. Instead, and it was so hard, I picked him up and cradled him in my arms. I told him everything would be alright, My balance is terrible, and he is not a small baby. I saw blood on the snow were his feet had been. but could not worry about that right yet. I needed to figure out how to get home. I managed to cary his scooter and put him in my basket of the tricycle and get him and the others home where I was able to nurse him and be sure that he knew that I loved him. It was a moment that taught me a lot more about parenting and ho the best thing to do might not seem, right because it is not the way the world would do it, but when all things are remembered. I will think of that more fondly than any other things I may have taught because though I say it all of the time. He could actually KNOW that even if I wanted to lecture him for his stupidity and explain that his pain was all self-inflicted I did not. I taught a better thing. I taught by example what love is.**

**One time, I had been called to be the Primary Pianist shortly after my brain infection. before it, I had been a piano major in college, which is to say that I was very good, by the world's standards. But, I struggled now just to play, and the program was the worst. I did not mind playing for nonjudgemental children. It was torture for me. I tried to get out of it because I felt like the kids had practiced so hard and I was messing everything up. And I felt like such a failure, and told myself things like, "No one else would do any better anyway." That feeing was worldly sorrow.

Later, a woman thanked me. It had fit with her lesson in FHE about how we always accept a call regardless if we feel up to the task. Her kids said "Yeah. Like Sister Brawner. She  cannot play the piano but she tries." I felt so much better. My failure had a purpose, and though it was not to show everyone how wonderful I was, It reinforced a lesson for those kids and maybe more but I never heard about it.

So, I decided to do something that someone asked today though I feel unable, really it is up to the Lord and he can use me better and in ways that are so much better than anything I ever learned in college anyway. Plus, I believe that we ought to share our talents, it is how they grow. besides. I do actually know that what we do or say and what others hear is not always the same thing. Like teaching the gospel. a guy in class was asked "How many people did you convert on your mission." his answer was supposed to be none because it is the spirit that converts.**

Not the best use of our time is determined by what our goal is, What do we need eternally vs. what we want right now.

Moses took a few minutes to understand what was being said when Satan called him the "son of man". Then he grew in strength knowing that he was a "son of God".

Social media

few things motivate me enough to write a blog about it,. It seems like it happens with less frequency than ever before, but when I feel an urgency, like something must be said by someone, it ends up a matter of maintaining a peace of mind or ignoring the constant nag, you can see I gave in to the drive to speak up regarding this issue.

ok, first off, the issue has lost novelity in my ears so I tend to just ignore it because it des not apply to me, right? um, well, my issue is not the one I hear preached about over and over. I have a media dependency, but am not a teen. I do not text and drive. I do not use digital devices in a way that excludes me from and real life, wait! yes I do. I am not so absorbed in chatting with my friends that I miss out on what is happening around me, it is a more refined or some how exceptional use of media, call it high brow if you will. I am busy taking notes of the significant things I hear or am looking up information etc. The points being that I am not texting or any such silly thing like missing an opportunity because I am so absorbed in a video game, but I am allowing myself to be preoccupied, nonetheless. I am thinking of that whole "good, better, best" thing. It is not a matter of good or bad. I only do good, bad in not an option, but in doing good, I d not find time to do what is best.

My real issue is with my babies. they will grow up in a world so different from mine. Social media, not being a famous rock star or football player will suck their time/life away. I might be strong enough to get up and realize what is happening that my desire to know is being exploited via facebook and twitter, but my kids might not be strong enough to stop doing it, and though they might profess good intentions, their life(what was a priceless gift chocked full of potential) will be sucked away by electronic devices, and I will have to answer for what I did when I was responsible.

my daily coin

This is just an opinion that is increasing in support so I wanted it to be known that I felt this way before popular opinion claimed it.

Simply put, we all have head of a cookie cutter home, I believe this term aptly defines anything beautiful. It is a label of a way to define beauty so that it might be used and imitated. When beauty has all along been taught and pesented as a thing that just happens naturally.

I was noting this when I was trying to become more beautiful. It was my deepest desire and so, naturally I took suggestions and help from others in the form of a make over. I only realized that I was so very far from the popula ideal of beauty (or the regional cookie cutter look) that it would take more effort than I wanted to muster to become.
 So, I felt bad in rejecting the form of beauty that I admired in others to instead keep persuing the path I had stated on in seeking my own type of beautiful.

In high school, a group was determining the recipient of their label of beautiful and I overheard my name mentioned in the selection. I was flattered, but rejected. This was said, "She has one of those athletic bodies. She would make a better example of the kind of girl you find at the gym or something, but not just naturally beautiful," How odd, I had never lifted a weight in my life or even been to a gym. Then, in college at summer band practice in Mississippi the guys in my section were talking about how they liked to march behind meandstare at my butt and legs, itwasactually embarassing, I went "home" and looked in the mirror wondering what they were talking about, Then, My band director asked me one day if I was a runner. Why yes! I had been andonly ran occassionally now, but he said that he could tell. and said that I had "runners legs" whatever they are. In Georgia at a summer camp in Dahlonega (sp?) I had won a leg contest (among other Engineers it wasn't much of a feat though). So, maybe I had beautiful legs but, they were notpurposely intended to be admired, it just happened. Sometimes our beautyfinds popular appeal. but this nuch I KNOW  it is pointless to try and become a popular version, and neglect what you are. Someone will see what you are as truly beautiful, but the most important person is yourself.

If I would perscribe any kind of make over,it would start with the inside. oh, now I want to let George Bailey finish it:

What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon, Mary.

          Mary: I'll take it. Then what?

          George Bailey: Well, then you can swallow it, and it'll all dissolve, see... and the

          moonbeams would shoot out of your fingers and your toes and the ends of your hair...

If you swallow the moon so to speak, then you will radiate all of that internal light and that will be truly beautiful, though originally, I was onnly talking about fixing your perspective to see the beauty that by nature you already have.

The Ultimate answer

I have been praying very earnestly to know what I ought to do, and finally, I received a most trustworthy answer. It is two part. Well, honesty compels me to say that it is not that simple, but 2 points are easier to write about. 1) If we want to speak to God, we pray. If we want to listen, we read our scriptures And so my answer is the same in every passage I find. know and keep commandments. but how do I know things are commandments? hah, a voice tells me, "Now, you are just trying to make it seem hard." but, really, Lehi, in the very first chapters of Nephi is commanded things in a dream. and his own sons and wife at one point doubts the source was God. But, I guess we find out After the trial of our faith. And if we do the things that we are commanded, No matter how hard (like killing someone like Laban) or unexpected (Killing went against another commandment) the Lord will provide a way to accomplish them. It is not something we would know beforehand though. I keep thinking this one thought that is a scripture but, the consequences seem to steep not to know I it is applicable. 2) The Lord protects his own. If it is a matter of who to trust, then it is simple. "Trust in the Lord..And he will direct thy paths." I also think of that scripture in Joshua "choose ye this day... but, as for me and my house we will serve the Lord" and a scene from the movie "17 miracles." where a man decides to travel to Utah even though death is most likely the result. It is a commandment though, and ultimately that would make for a happier eternal existence. Ok another movie comes to mind the opening to "Twilight" where the heroine contemplates the way to leave this life. It is a fact that we all will be leaving at some point. So, I too wonder why it matters so much to people. my answer is that it is not death that matters, but life.

Sometimes learning is to my advantage, but sometimes it just makes things more difficult. It is easy for children to just obey, but for some reason, it is hard for me to just trust. But, the line from a hymn constantly floats above me, "be still my soul, the Lord is on thy side." and honestly, that brings so much comfort. My choices involve more that the life I see right now. Thanks Carrie Underwood, "This is my temporary home."

Lest I forget,  I went to a fireside where the speakers were a husband and wife, and as usual, I felt so strongly that they were an example to me. so much was outright said by the stake president even. Of the patterns  I picked up on was the way the husband so admired his wife's love and appreciation of the scriptures. I know that it is not the reason anyone loves them, but there was something about that pattern that struck me. Nick took us, but did not join us (Mary Anne and I). It reminded me of youth conference, when I figured things out and stole another girl's boyfriend to fast track and "marry" me. It got me my way, but ultimately, he left to go be with her and I was all alone. On a side note the fireside was about families and Nick was listening from another room. Still, It both complicates things and reminds me of how we might trade what we need for what we want right now! I have my family and get to go to the temple and raise the kids, but I have noted a trend that children follow the example of their parents. There will come a time when kids will grow up and if they see the example of a parent is not what they have been taught they will have an option to do what they want instead of what they should. I have seen it over and over. It is the whole "actions speak louder than words." It is more important to me that the kids see mom and dad together than that he goes and hears. but what does he DO?

And that concludes my funfact for today.

What's your excuse / later in life

I get fed up with all of the boo hoo's regarding getting in shape, like their past new year's resolutions these now fail, too, Well, what is stopping you? go exercise. I know if I could I would. And I endure silly things because I hope to be able to exercise. I am contemplating trying to run until I learn to. It is hard with kids/babies but not impossible. Where there is a will there really is a way. I just wanted to say that for every excuse you give there are likely many millions who would loved to trade problems.

I thought a lot about how much kids benefitted from more mature parents. I think my kids get a trade off. sure they do not get to share all of the wonderful things I used to do physically, but I am being forced to realize so many other things that will become a starting point for them. In a sense, they will be taught on such a higher level.

Oliver Cromwell

I have an invisible foe, so I will give a name, most appropriately, I shall use the name to call my enemy Oliver Cromwell. This is because of popular appeal and mindset unexplained reasonably, and because the end if chosen or sided with, though correct, possibly, is to overthrow what would give me the legitimacy I crave, and so, learning by history his name in constant memory, perhaps I will choose better.