One thing in life I've observed

The reason behind any given action, is not usually the cause of the effect we desire.

The biggest example, though examples are as far reaching and beyond my imagination's boundries, is found in my list. For those who just stumbled by, let me expound. I made a list of attributes that I thought were necessary ones to be possessed by an individual to attract and keep me.

We all know the story of Peter the Pumpkin Eater. To me, I figured his problem could have been avoided by sticking to a list, which list I abandonded with my first husband.

A list needs to be created before it is needed. I was obviously blinded by love and thought my list wasn't important. But, we have often heard that the time to make a choice is before we feel the pressure of need to do so. I thought that I was of good mind this time and I looked over my list and, it was like seeing why you missed an answer, a much more effective way to learn something. So, I noticed that the reasons my marriage failed were probably because I ignored my list of attributes.

I revised my list knowing what I knew then, which was much more, admittedly, and I did not alter anything, until my now husband refused to write a story with me. I will never forget. I will never ever ever ever forget the terrible feeling I had when I realized that I must either toss my list or my hopes of achieving my goals. Needless to say, I married him and turned the other cheek on my silly list.

This time, though I am still married I needed to record my observation that, and it is not what you might think, our list even if followed are not as effective as we might think.

So, he refuses to be who he could be. This is nothing new to,me. But, what is new to me is even if he becomes everything he potentially could be, he would only be everything I wanted. There is something that cannot be defined in our language that,matters most.

I assumed, for instance, that a strong tall man was desirable for security, but that was wrong. Security is still the desired effect of being with another, but it does not come from physical strength. Likewise, I had LDS and musician on my list, desiring to be understood, but if the direction matters more that the location, it may,be that a more like-minded person would peruse Mormonism and music, but those are not as needful as I had thought.

I came here because, "for once in my life, I want to belong..." Now, that I am here and where I do fit in, I am even more unhappy than I was before.

I really ought to be making resolutions or preparing an FHE Lesson or something.

No title yet

I have thought lots of things that I do not understand. It is common, and I assigned a word to the occurance. I say they are things that I believe.

As I was studying faith, I realized 2 very important things. 1) to have beliefs is part of who we are. Faith is a divine attribute inherited from our Heavenly Father, like hair or eye color, only it is better likened unto sight or taste. It is something we are born with, and it is very handy and essential (if you are German that word choice might,make you chuckle). 2) Faith is hope for things which are not "seen" but are true.

Over the years I have seen things I only believed blossom into a full blown truth, or something I could comprehend and build upon. There are things I still do not understand and the number grows larger with time. Some things are propoaterous and yield me nothing and they are tossed. There are beliefs though entirely proposterous and unsupported can not be dismissed.

It would seem they are not true and yet, I cling dearly to them. I think they sort of define me. Among these things are things like that Jesus Christ lives, or that we will live with a God somewhere again, yeah, all of us.

Then there are things that have never crossed,my lips but reside,in,my mind and sort of infect my heart.I won't know them, but I cannot deny them either, one such thought crossed my mind this morning and I have decided to plant it again.

I want to go home

A True Christmas story

Once upon a time, there was a little old lady who lived in a barren desert and was feeling alone and glum, and she wanted to sparkle like all of the Christmas lights.

But, instead she just felt sorry for herself and complained a lot. It was Christmastime and she figured that she ought to read about the Nativity, but a single nag in the form of a scripture came to her mind. It was "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father in Heaven."

She applied it in many ways, but when she stopped being so egocentric and noticed it in others something magical happened.

Merry Christmas

Just wanted to send out my wish to the world wide web, and express how deeply I love Jesus. This will likely mean little to you, but just the same, I do wish you a happy day and remind you of Our Savior. He actually came to earth!!!! How wonderful is that? Because he came and actually did what we could not, we can live forever with our father in heaven. That deserves a day at least.

I love my Heavenly Family so much, sometimes it makes me cry out of an inability to express such a powerful emotion.

So, I shout it out here on this figurative rooftop. I am so lucky and honored to be able to take the name of Christ and I hope that I am strong enough to recognize and live up to it's responsibility, like so many others around me.

Increasing accountability

I am writing this here to clarify and solidify my state of mind, as it has been long sought after, and too perfect to last unless I record it here to repeatedly confirm and remind until it is written in my heart.

I feel,like I opened the door a crack and I want to put my foot here to hold the door. I do believe that Heavenly Father, or Elohiem as is known to the LDS faith. I believe that he is the literal father of Jesus Christ, and is in control of all things. I believe that he not only knows all things, but wants the best for his children, who we are.

I know that He has been preparing me for something and although at times I get discouraged, I know everything will work out and there is likely a reason. I am as foolish as a little child who gets upset or even throws a tantrum or reacts inappropriately when things happen in a way I do not understand.

We understand easily how parents temporarily give their child up for their best, but children do not understand and think that they have been abandoned. Likewise,  I am where I was intended and I have not failed except in my own rebellious desires

The reason for my trouble

I have been too deep in thoughts lately to interrupt my life and jot them down here, a lot of them have been regarding stories, but the light hearted thought I chose to put here was the reason, imo, why I am so lonely.

Usually, people have a large net of friends, I never have, probably the example of my parents and an effect of moving around a lot, it causes you to avoid attachments that won't last.

My family has always,been the center of my existance and it worked well for me, but neither men I married made very good friends. They have a weird idea about the roles in marriage.

The point being that I do not make many friends but the ones I do only make me more unhappy where I am.

Get a little perspective

Allow,me to help put a bit in perspective. A million seconds can be comprehended in terms of days while a billion seconds is about 32 years.

A real eye opener, huh?

Now, try to imagine yourself on a panel of judges asked to criticize and choose the most beautiful of women. They all meet certain criteria making them appear a certain way that is certain to please those who fund such events, but you are an expert and you judge more based on something unseen, though just as powerful, maybe it is called humility, a seemingly rare trait among the bunch excepting only those who feign it.

Your opinion is respected, but how do you judge? If it is a measurement of beauty, you have no doubt, but others might loose respect if you base you choice on an unseen unquatifiable feeling.

I believe all,mankind is united in how they feel about things like representations of stories that make us cry. Someone suggested that we are all children of God and when we sense that divinity in another we love it and it "touches" our hearts.

God is love. There is a song that comes to mind that talks about trying to be like Jesus."...show kindness in all that I do or say." When people are just kind and loving not for any purpose then it is noticed and they are beautiful to us. For perspective, it is God who we love and when others emulate him, they become more,beautiful and desirable than anyone, appearing ANY WAY could ever be.

The incredible shrinking woman

At first, I was happy to loose weight. I liked how everything fit more loosely, except for some personal items and panty hose that go on easy and try to slide off easy, too.

I honestly am not changing anything in my lifestyle, but my mom told me that it was natural to gain about 5lbs every 10 year's after 30, but this is ridiculous. I think I am loosing all my muscle tone, except for what I need to sit up and move around and such.

Today, was the last straw. I am having to struggle to keep my wedding ring on. Now, don't tell me that is a matter of muscle tone. Though it may,be, I used to play piano for several hours per day, anyway, an old tip all the girls in Ellijay used to wear huge class rings of their boyfriend was to wrap yarn or tape until the size was diminished. I am going to have to do that to my ring, too. Right now all I have is bright orange duct tape though...