One thing in life I've observed

The reason behind any given action, is not usually the cause of the effect we desire.

The biggest example, though examples are as far reaching and beyond my imagination's boundries, is found in my list. For those who just stumbled by, let me expound. I made a list of attributes that I thought were necessary ones to be possessed by an individual to attract and keep me.

We all know the story of Peter the Pumpkin Eater. To me, I figured his problem could have been avoided by sticking to a list, which list I abandonded with my first husband.

A list needs to be created before it is needed. I was obviously blinded by love and thought my list wasn't important. But, we have often heard that the time to make a choice is before we feel the pressure of need to do so. I thought that I was of good mind this time and I looked over my list and, it was like seeing why you missed an answer, a much more effective way to learn something. So, I noticed that the reasons my marriage failed were probably because I ignored my list of attributes.

I revised my list knowing what I knew then, which was much more, admittedly, and I did not alter anything, until my now husband refused to write a story with me. I will never forget. I will never ever ever ever forget the terrible feeling I had when I realized that I must either toss my list or my hopes of achieving my goals. Needless to say, I married him and turned the other cheek on my silly list.

This time, though I am still married I needed to record my observation that, and it is not what you might think, our list even if followed are not as effective as we might think.

So, he refuses to be who he could be. This is nothing new to,me. But, what is new to me is even if he becomes everything he potentially could be, he would only be everything I wanted. There is something that cannot be defined in our language that,matters most.

I assumed, for instance, that a strong tall man was desirable for security, but that was wrong. Security is still the desired effect of being with another, but it does not come from physical strength. Likewise, I had LDS and musician on my list, desiring to be understood, but if the direction matters more that the location, it may,be that a more like-minded person would peruse Mormonism and music, but those are not as needful as I had thought.

I came here because, "for once in my life, I want to belong..." Now, that I am here and where I do fit in, I am even more unhappy than I was before.

I really ought to be making resolutions or preparing an FHE Lesson or something.