THE HONESTLY CRAZY WOMAN

Sure everyone says that they are crazy, it is more or less a euphemism, but we do not mean literally crazy, but what is crazy. For example, I will use the crazy cat lady. what even is that? well, it would be a woman who has an abnormal amount of cats, so to understand what crazy is, we need to understand what normal is. First thing I noticed on accident was that because of their location on the keyboard one can easily turn normal into mormal, which auto corrects itself into moral. oh, here I go on a totally unexpected tangent. I have to mention the time a man gave an entire talk about the immorality of man, even when reading the it scripture from Moses that talks about God's purpose in making man immortal, hang on just realized how easy it would be then to mistranslate things, if you can see a word clearly spelled as Immortality but still say immorality then, there is a real threat of only seeing what we want. Ok, that whole tangent proves my real intent to write about how a friend mentioned repeatedly how I go off on tangents, never actually making my point. I think it is because I feel justified because I made better points than I intended anyway, but it frustrates when people they were wanting something other that what I gave them. the thing what really impresses me is that the person cares enough to mention it, I mean, why bother, put the crazy lady away in an asylum, right? It is uncomfortable to me when others do it, but I had not noticed until someone who has been officially judged to be "crazy" kept chasing thoughts out loud that likely belonged together to her, but I could not follow at all. She mentioned it and veered right back to where she started. My mom has admired this talent in others, so I decided it must be a thing common that everyone does, but normal people only communicate pertinent information. Hence the Crazy Lady is not abnormal because she thinks in an unusual way, but expresses it. The Crazy Lady only appears Crazy to others, but seems fine to herself. She sees the train of thought. For me, it moves so fast in completely different directions that I must make lots of decisions to ride one out and I usually jump tracks in a snap "never making the destination, but [I'm] never going back."(from Broken by K. Montgomery). So, I kept thinking about the time I wondered if I appeared crazy to others, so I asked. I was told that my gait was obviously impaired, but I was Not seen as deficient. My thought, briefly on that is how very small improvements occur over time. I think of how long it takes us to get home from the school. We travel soooooooo slow, I wonder if we are making progress, but we always meet our destination. So, that is likely the case with unseen things as well. I walk so much better now, and that is because I just kept doing it day in day out for years. With mental aspirations, It is the same. I do not seem to be making improvement my change is in no way dramatic, like being pregnant, from one day to the next you do not see any change, but if the non pregnant woman turned into the pregnant woman over night it would be noticed. I have not made a distinction or separation from things pertaining to a mortal life and things pertaining to my assumed immortal (without beginning or end) existence. In my religion, I lived one way, religious morality applied to my self not just to who I was in church. Later it was commented how we need to stop living hypocritically, there was no change for me simply because my religion an life were not separate. Now, I am noticing there is no separation from my artistic side and my analytical side, It has been a source of difficulties for years. I would used scientific terms to refer to things in literature, only to be handed back what I thought was brilliant covered in red saying, many times how such a term does not exist. I had the worst trouble when I studied the industrial revolution at the same time as some sort of literature and I noted parallels and so I used terminology that described the literature perfectly, only to have the teacher tell me that I was making no sense and if I continued to say such nonsensical things, I should keep them to writing where they would not easily pollute other minds that were actually learning. Wow. So, I took higher level courses in English Literature for my other electives where the professor praised me and even recommended me to an English Honor Society typically only intended for English majors, but she felt that my depth of comprehension was such that my major choice would not be a consideration. I was after all, a music major, taking Shakespeare classes as an elective. I do it with music, too. I was seen as crazy because I did not turn off my "music" switch when returning to real life. So, crazy mean, that you are not what popular opinion has decided is usual. Any connotations need not apply. Older women play with cats and earn the label "Crazy Cat Lady" until she learns to be like everyone else. I jot too many Notes, so I am crazy, too. Any you read it! Hah!