A few reasons

I've been going over and over all of the happenings in my head and I just think there is a conclusion to draw but I've not drawn it yet, I will share some peliminaries as they draw my current focus.

Nick does not treat me like a woman ought to be treated, that's that. I do not think I am the first one to notice that, I just put up with it while he prides himself in being such a good judge and such, excusing himself from any family obligations because he changes a few diapers and acts like he's always as considerate in private as he is in public. I go aong with his preteses because I have quite a few of my own. It is true that I never was sealed to him, and I really figure that is for the best as I do not want to be sealed to him, if he hasn't set that as a priority by now then, I will not feel wanted when the time does come, but shouldn't I tell him this? I do want to be sealed to the children, but I think they will be sealed to me anyway.

I'm too set in my ways, and they are not matching his ways. Reason tells me that I ought to change then, and I have tried, but I just have a solid gut feeling that I ought not to change because it would be like unraveling a perfectly knitted pieece of work, nearly impossible to recreate. I just ought to continue on in that manner and doubt not it's correctness again. I must stand firm. There are so many things that I value that I toss to the garbage because of imaginary troubles or silly reasons that Nick comes up with. For instance, it is very important to me to go to certain events, but Nick refuses to take me when, as a spouse we ought to both want them. I went to Stake conference by myself because it was important to me, and if I could I would. He stayed home and played video games. I try not to make a mountain out of this ant hill,but Maybe it is a mountain, because I feel so, oh I can't even think of an english word for it, but I do not like to feel that way and I know that Heavenly Father doesn't want me to feel that way. I have prayed for assistance and though it is tiny, God could do any number of things to rescue me from this feeling and he has shown in the past that he is mindful of my needs, like I joked to Nick today, "Maybe I need alot of Money." but, I don't and likely never will.

I'm on a diet not really aimed at loosing weight, but limiting my food intake and increasing my craftiness. I call it the Alphabet diet. I'm on the "C" day today. I could have cookies, cake, candy, corn, a can of soup. Pretty much anything I see. I found a recipe for an urban legend cookie and made it with Peanutbutter/Chocolate chips! It was quite good. I think I will not eat tomorrow. but I've been debating on the cookiedough Ice cream tonight. I could wait and have it on the "I" day. guess, I'll go have it now, and so ends my thoughts in typed words tonight.