What I learned on Halloween

I learned a bit of why God said, "if ye love me, feed my sheep." I know it seems more of a Christmasy thing to learn, but learned it through a cultural halloween ritual known as Trick or Treating.

I taught the kids to say two things. 1)trick or treat then, 2)Thank you. Chuck E. Cheese supported me in singing about when you go from door to door you must say trick or,treat to get candy. So. The kids had that part down. It made me happy, I only had to remind them to say thank you. After about the third house, and needing to remind them I said, "it makes me so happy when you say Thank you." Then, the kids seemed to run bragging that they said thank you. It was cause they loved me. Mary Anne my youngest said, I did not say it loudly, but, I made sure it got in their ears. I tried to explain that I knew they loved me now, because they wanted me to be happy, and I was, so happy, but, I hoped that they would feel appreciative and feel a need to say thank you whether or not I asked them to.

My oldest son started saying "Thank you so much for the candy. I love it!" And I gave
him the biggest hug I could. And that is when it occurred to me that maybe God is pleased when we serve others, etc. But he would really be happier if we sought the well being of others despite being asked or dedpite hoping
to earn His approval. Maybe it is a truth, but it was not intended as a Commandment. "If you love me feed my sheep." Came to mind when I said,"I love it so much when you say thank you. "

The key

I always denied it to the point where I denied it to myself even, that my marital problems were financial. I still do not think they are the cause, but rather a manifestation.

I realized that the real thing I needed was employment. Then, I could buy a car, buy food, get presents for people who deserve them, and help pay to send my kids to college.

I never ever imagined my life even could turn out so horribly.  I have absolutely no money, and am not given any knowledge of how much money my husband even makes and certainly not how it is spent.  I only found out inadvertantly that he had spent all of the money specifically earmarked for Christmas on vehicle work. And it is a vehicle I am not allowed to drive for no other reason than my husband does not want me to. So, I walk everywhere, including walking the kids to school even in pouring rain. Strangers gave me an umbrella and money, because I had none. Strange, every need I have had has been taken care of by strangers while my husband does not even lift a finger to help with anything around the house or regarding the children. I am ok with that sort of abuse, but when it effects the children, I will not allow it.

I need a job so I can get a car and be able to drive my children places when it starts snowing. I almost find it too hard to bear in trying to get by with no money for the holidays. It was so terrible last year, when our gifts again, came from strangers, although appreciated, I vowed never again. So, I asked that the tax return money be set aside for Holiday spending (this is hard for me because with all of my being I want to move closer to my other kids who need me and the money could have been used that way, the previous year, oh nevermind)

I am getting too old to be dealing with finances, it is a thing for college students and young couples. I married the one Mormon guy whom I figure does not even know his duties because dileberate failure is unfathomable. I have had to deal with court summons and such regarding court cases involving my husbands debts that I was never even made aware of. If he was in such a position, he had no right to inagine he could support a family and then flippantly quit jobs cause he would not do what was expected. Yeah, that is what I am thinking. It is pretty disrespectful of your family when you cannot swallow your pride to be able to provide things like food or medical care even. I needed help very badly, to the point where I thought of extracting my teeth on my own, or maybe somehow getting imprisoned. The pain I endured exceeded labor pains. So, my church stepped in and actually paid for what would have ammounted to a very nice vehicle, to have my teeth fixed.

And it bothers me how much integrity, that is how I make it not about money, my husband lacks. He was baptized, which means he promised to do certain things, one of which is pay a generous fast offering. I honestly do not even see why he does  not want to, but he doesn't even pay a little. When boys come to privately accept (so not done in public) he either does not answer the door, or pretends to put money in an empty envelope. It really really really upsets me. But, again, I do not believe it has to do with the money, but the idea.

The thing that nudged me over the top was his false claim the most children are adopted to be abused. I said it was more likely birth parents who would abuse their children because there would be far less intervention so things could be done in private. I do not really have an opinion nor ever think of such things, it was off the top of my head. His comment was that I was blatently wrong and I just ought to keep looking at thongs through my rose colored glasses, etc. citing that he was a realist.

That is a final straw. If I were to take off my glasses of any kind it would be to acknowledge that I came here to be with like minded people, which he wasn't. I had been decieved. It is true, I believed  that he was a number of things that he wasn't. And I apologize if his measly little advancements have not given me enough reason to hope for better things, but that would be another  one of those rose colored things I see. It is unrealistic to think he was ever going to become a thing he wasn't.

I honestly think  that he assumes that without a job or car I am powerless. But, I think it is his tinted vision that sees impossibilities. I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. And so, I will. I am hoping to find a job.

2 cents -penny per thoughts

On second thought.... hahaha j/k.

1) I wonder what great thibgs I would be contemplating, or maybe someone would have solved world peace if they were not trapped in vicious thought cycles.
Wisdom comes to us when we are too old to think creatively, and I will think about things in the future and wonder, why didn't I think of that earlier?

2) I used to fret about being beautiful like it was something to do, but when I look back, it just never matched up. I always thought I lacked something, but looking back what I wouldn't give to have that problem. I will most likely look back on me now at a future date and realize how incredible I am. I often think, it cannot be about being better than others because I was waaay better than anyone, but it didn't mean anything to me. Right now, I am not terribly embarassed or ashamed of my body, but I want it to be much better, and that is a sincere goal. Not because I am interested in appealing to anyone. I just want to feel good about myself as a given.

Brain dump

Mission develops a vision of the significance of home and visiting teaching.

Teaching others is a way for us to live our comittment to serve the Lord.

Mosiah chapter 18 where our reason for making our baptismal covenant is explained:

8 And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;
9 Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life
10 Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being baptized in the name of the Lord, as a witness before him that ye have entered into a covenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you?

Visiting and home teachers know alot about their families because they love them.

What does it mean to have a bit of a testimony? The thing that is implied is that it is a substitute way to say that they knew parts of the gospel are true.

God is aware and intends our assignments.

Sports are a reminder of how to view this life. At the time it is important but it ends and we return to our life although playing was a part of that life.

Socrates said something to the effect that we need to focus building the future not ponder the past.

Christ wipes the slate clean.

The bottomline is that if a thing inspires us to do good it is from God.

Number one thing that home or visiting teachers do is bring goodness into the home. It is the Spirit who teaches.

Chastity is a duty parents have to teach about sexual matters. It matters to be frank and clear and immediate, so they will seek us out when necessary.

We do not want them to be unsatisfied so that they seek elsewhere.

As parents it is important to correct things thatcare wrong.

Understand the power of PROCREATION, we need to pray to know what to teach and when.

Govern crestive power by mortal law instead of by instinct like the animals.

It is an awesome duty to have been given the power to create life. It is as important as the power to take life.

Only done in a marriage because children deserve to be born into a family.

Do not beat around the bush with teenagers.

You cannot build a family unless you love and are committed to the other, sexual relationships create a false sense of a relationship, strong feelings are forged so refraining from sex unless.

A bible has a misprint called "sinners bible" the Bible said "Thou shalt commit adultry."

You are  no match for Satan (without the spirit)

You must have a plan for ourselves and our children. Satan does have a plan for you...reminds me of a excerpt from a book where Michael hesitates and as a result he does not kill Satan and when Satan gets the chance he does not hesitate at all, and he kills Michael.

Scripture to lust after women is actually pornography, so any way we encourage it at all then we are helping the industry.

A masterful way the adversary gets to us is through making us feel useless and not wanted.

We must teach our children not to be immodest. Flaunting body is not good.

Being prettier than intended, like makeup, is it to make others look at you, so it is pornography?

A divine urge can be used against you. That is how we are tricked in most ways.

Breaking law of chastity is most important.

Have children list 5 worst sins, and order them.

Teach consequences.

“When a man and woman conceive a child out of wedlock, every effort should be made to encourage them to marry. When the probability of a successful marriage is unlikely due to age or other circumstances, unwed parents should be counseled to place the child for adoption through LDS Family Services to ensure that the baby will be sealed to temple-worthy parents”

Need to have the spirit, so I brought cupcakes.

Changing our hearts isn't changing who we are but changing to how we feel about things.

Our problems might not be as big to another.

How do we change our lives to God.

We tell our kids everyday that they need to brush their teeth, even though they already know to do it. So, even when we pray or just know what to do.

The divorced guy expected two months was long enough. Often things must be on the Lords time.

This lady prayed and then 10 years later it was answered.

When you have a problem and others say, "it will work out." We want to punch them in the face.

Things we like to do when in a trouble.

Go to the temple and serve others.
Do not give up.
Gratitude for what we do have.
Get it out of my mouth helps my big troubles be smaller. Speak to others who we love.
Ponder - that is how we get answers that might not be easy to see.

It will all work out.  Requires we put our trust in God. Or else it is just annoying and we do not see it as a possible thing, but instead is just something  we say "lip service".

True dedication we still need patience and trust in the atonement.

Blessed with full recovery, and it requires alot of faith and patience because she was not even concious most of the time, and was pretty beat up.

When things are the way they are it is  because they are part of a plan, and one day, if we perservere we will be able to understand, and it will work out.

(This is personal, but sometimes like Gloria's blessing, when we are allowed to know that things will work out

Brain dump

No man has found pure space norseen the outside curtains where nothing has a place."

Pres eyrings father prayed and then was asked later if he was answered, his reply was yes, the world needs brave men. This was likened to those who dare to speak in front  of a large group.

Commandments are like huge "I Love Yous" and obedience is like saying I love you back to him.

Commandments are given because God loves you. It all boils down to love.

Even if you only want to believe, put your effort behind it, and it may develop into sufficient faith to obey.

Commandment seem to limit and spoil the trip, like the story about barriers and surfers from conference.

We see through a glass darkly, and do not see things as they are.

It is hard to keep our course or courage when we do not have predators to worry about.

Obedience can be replaced with words like respect and honor.

A child earned money but it is not enough, his father dealt with it by asking if he had recently paid his tithing.

Will a man rob God? Wherein have we robed thee? God  says he will not allow you to prosper, unless you do pay.

It is a test according to Malachi to see if God will live up to his promise.

We can better serve our fellow man, if we make sure to nurture and strengthen ourselves.

Every lesson we ought to be considering in the back of our minds, the plan of Salvation.

Marriage.. is ORDAINED of God. It means that he approves of it. Order by apointment of a supreme authority.

Adam and Eve were married before death was on the earth, so lasting forever is not a REASON to be together.

Who we become is so much a result of our family life...which is a result of...

Read the Proclamation on Family and a lesson using foundation of 5 things listed.

Changes were made in government due to this proclamation.

You are not as healthy and happy unless you work it out when troubles arise immediately do not put up with one another, but we ought to strive for the eternal oneness.

I think the duty I feel towards my children I ought to revere as much the divinity of God's ordination of marriage and it's eternal nature.

"Square your life to the standards of the church."

If you marry outside of the church you might wander. Sister Anderson shared a story of her sister and how her husband goes away and she returns. Perhaps, someone will touch her life, and influence her to return. It sounds to me like the husband needs gentile influence.

Sometimes others are just less active and need our help.

We do not necessarily need to do a whole lot but our greatest influence might be felt in just doing a part of the entire process of activation.

Shepherd vs Sheep herder. A herder prods from behind,  whereas shepherd is recognized and invites and the sheep follow.

Last day of the month...we might not be able to help.

The things that do not change but we need something to bring us to church, often it is our testimony, but friendship and callings are both listed and very much needed.

Maybe, pray specifically for those, it helped  with visits of a sister who was not active and it seemed to feel better.