time changed nothing

Last night, I realized  something that surprised me. Time had matured my body, but I was still a giddy schoolgirl at heart.

The difference came not in how I felt, but how I reacted. Every part of my frame wanted to say or do something, but instead I maintained my smooth exterior and did not even mention a thing that, to this point, still is monumental to me. I could have expressed how much my life had been improved at least, but I did nothing. What happened? Glad you asked, so I can unload it here at least.

I was in the food court at BYU just casually ordering my food when I saw a hero and his son. I could have at least mentioned that I recognized him, to let him know about the good effect he has on the world, but instead I just marveled how in person I was actually taller than this spiritual giant. Then, I saw him again, and each time I had plenty of time to atleast make a comment. It might benefit his son to recall the effect for good that his father had that even some strange lady approached him when least expected. But. It reminded me of the same reaction I had to seeing Tal Bachman in person as a young adult. Inside I was screaming 😱 but, because it felt inappropriate, I gave no external indication that I was in awe. But, obviously, I was effected, and practically need to express such here, time has not dulled my inner fan girl one tiny bit. Hence, I am here writing about my encounter though I made it seem insignificant. 

Why is seeing someone any notable thing anyway? It is because I cannot say that I said nothing, but am writing about it to let it out somehow. A person is a person. Maybe not though...a lyric I wrote in college come to mind "... in the spotlight. Will he speak my language, know what I'm saying." I ronically, the next part is an allusion to Jacob, it goes, "It seven years since yesterday, but just a moment until to tomorrow..." I have a theory blossoming, but humility forces me, even here/now to keep it to myself. I had read about a similar Swedish phenomenon where one literally in unable to acknowledge greatness. It is attributed to nurture or culture, it has a name, though I cannot think of it. Maybe it is not as much cultural as it is the suppression of an attribute (think epigenetics). Here is a videoclip explaining, maybe, why I do not behave or do things that I feel to say or do:

https://youtu.be/fzIa_FNNkWo