Does this blow your mind?

When I was very young, I used to sense something which I was certain must be an invisible watcher. We had a terrifying fireside in our house on 40 Washington Street in Sandusky, MI. Where I learned that demons were not just myths used to scare children. But, I never considered anything beyond time travelers from the future were always observing me for some reason. Then, I saw that StarTrek movie, I think it is called "Generations" where Data's head becomes visible. That triggered a thought of my "watchers" and it solidified my importance historically, I figured that was what happened with Brandall, maybe with him I would not become what I would or maybe he was used to stop me, etc. Anyway, this was not a healthy imagination, but something that I believed fully. No joking around I believed that someone was watching me though I had no evidence.

Then I saw Fringe with the watchers, and figured that the feeling of being observed must be pretty common to the point that a popular tv could talk about it and expect a following.

I rarely used the telephone because I believed that it was tapped, Ofcourse, so what? Besides, I could use this to my advantage. Now, I use misinformation to mislead and misdirect, sorta like. Jedi saying "These are not the droids that you are looking for." While waving my hand In front of the screen.

Ha ha!

I actually got upset in college thinking that I was old enough to know my future, wouldn't I be trusted enough to know, So, instead I decided to create a story of my own, then use situation to prove it false, which it should be,because my story was too fantastic to be belived, yet, it was supported and always could be true, and still, much later and much different with a life full of experience, my story still remains plausible, though my life is hardly typical, still something must shout out that it was all false.

So far, nothing has,been proved true either, unless the small moments when a word, not a story, or a notion totally immobilized. Still, I have imagined something happening, that if it were true it just seems like I would know.

Here is a similitude of how it feels, in a way even those who are sane can understand: in a contest or pageant, there is only one winner, and though all present might deserve or believe that they could win, when they gather to the award ceremony and wait to hear the winner announced everyone looks around wondering who would it be, would it be obvious to tell beforehand somehow.

To me it seems that if someone is obviously deserving of wining, then they would know, like "challenges" for top placement in band.

Or in a beauty pageant, no one knows what attributes will be favored by those responsibile for judging, and that is exactly how I feel. C.S.Lewis wrote about my thoughts in a book "The Great Divorce" where those who died were suprised at who ended up in Heaven. It seemed that the qualifications were not what they had supposed, still it was most curious that those who felt worthy were extremely uncomfortable in the place called Heaven that they visited and wanted to go home where they belonged.

I want to share a story that I heard yesterday. A taxi driver and a high couselor had died and met St. Peter met them at the "pearly gates"and he asked them to.follow him to the place prepared for them. They followed to a beautiful mansion and he told the taxi driver that was his home. Then he continued on with the high counselor to an old shack. The man cried, but this isn't fair, I don't understand. I have been a servant of the Lord all of my days. Then Peter asked, but how did you serve? He explained that he gave numerous talks to buoy up the saints. Peter explain, yes you did. But, as you spoke most people slept whereas when the taxi driver drove everyone stayed awake.

It is a joke Ofcourse.

Brain dump

Joke about taxi driver and high counselor.

Story of son who slashed tires, father went and wrote the check for tires, a good story about the atonement.

Sanctified? Necessary to receive exaultation.

Gospel changes human nature...bad men good, and good men better... David O'Mkay

Story about doughnuts and pushups again. People were not taking doughnuts but pushups that were hard, and had to be done regardless.

Savior is the one who personally guards the gate not as a duty, but because he wants to personally welcome people come in. *I think of what I always think in the temple when we sort of enter into the Celestial Kingdom.*

Priesthood has 3 responsibilities.
1)

Jesus' name was used to invoke blessings, but it did not work because no authority.

It is given by those who have authority. It cannot be given any other way. Must be unanimously voted on, line of authority always goes to Jesus... When you change a calling it changes you...

How is it used.

Priesthood authority presides.

Example of stake authority taking a moment to correct that No agency is free.

The priesthood is a companion of the Holy Ghost.

Promises

Sadly, I have tried to remember, but for some reason I an un aware of the promises that I have made. I intend to keep them, but have absolutely no further intention, the fact that I am not aware of what.I promised anyway already troubles me. If you are not capable of promises, do not make them. It is like Baptism. You must be taught and interviewed. Such a commitment is not to be made half-heartedly, it is why we wait until we are accountable instead of birth when the person's own agency is their parent's.

I found it!

I honestly believe in this, too.

I have no idea what I was going to write here. This sentence makes it longer. In conclusion, I conclude.

Brain dump

Hebrews were departing from Christianity and returning to Jewish faith.

First principle is Faith: find a definition in chapter 11.

substituted assurance of things not seen. The thing is true.

Witness after trial of faith.

Story about a man who proved there was factual but it could not save him because it was not acted upon. He drank the pathogen that was in the water.

Words vs. Life experiences, stories provide a meaning that words alone do not.

Definition continued... Belief in a promise, trust.

A promise is sure... Through it we can believe there is a God.

David Bednar 1) Assurance 2) Action 3) Evidence...Seeking knowledge by Faith.

We can have belief but not have faith.

Faith seems like a tricky word to try to use.

Things are made of things which are not seen. Duh.

Is it easier to be faithful as a child because you do not know anything, and must believe, or do the things we are taught solidify as we get older and we see more of the things that we have been taught.

The Savior told a lady to stop smoking and he would help, but that if she didn't do, then it would be horrible and nearly impossible to quit.

Examples of faith are given from people that they knew.

Uses a foundation that they already had.

The three steps we all can follow and we have those stories readily in our lives.

So many examples a "cloud of witnesses". It is better when witnesses are found everywhere.

*Faith is a FIRST principle so every story is a witness of it.*

The importance of patience and perserverence.

Our trials require two entirely different corrections. Either repentance or endurance.

Chasten seems hard, it reminds me.of a story where the kids would get upset about a Wii game that said "you are a master of this DISCIPLINE" they do not like that word.

Journalist was asked how we know the point where the metal has been refined enough. He explained that you do not just leave it a wait till the timer goes of, but must watch it, until you can see your reflection in it.

Hebrews 12:29 children can memorize this scripture

Quote 8) teach more than their words say, about how we need to be in a place and must be refined to allow Such.

Sacrament is higher than blood scarafices. The temple teaches a lot about that, somethings are in different "kingdoms" and require things to be done which might represent the.consequences of our refinement

Written by whom? It says Timothy, but last week our teacher said Paul. Hmmm...

Marriage is a good thing. It is adultery that is not.

Brain dump

If you are not disabled then what is your excuse for not doing what you have decided?

We need to have responsibility for consequences.

We fail it almost always has to do with selfishness.

Primary -
We learned that people FEEL a way, then, to change it, we must DO, then we FEEL better. Almost any story works, but we used the standard things to do and found that to be happy, like our stake mission or the gospel (goodness) teaches.

RS story of Ether. She had others fast, too. For such a time as this... We have a mission individually and we have to be in the right place at the right time.

Obedience is key to our purpose. The more obedient we are the more blessed we are.

"The lord uses the unlikely to do things that are impossible." Jeffery Holland.

*Ester didn't have to even say anything and she would'be been fine. *

We are all supposed to be here how can we prepare:

1) read Patriarch Blessing a lot. Explained story about how when she got it when she was young.

2) go to the temple a lot!

3) ask HF. He wants us to know.

Our struggles are what we need to develop, and be refined instead of being burnt to a crisp.

We ought to believe that we were hand picked to be here and the Lord knows that we are here and will help us.

This life is to make us more like our heavenly parents.

*We did not come to earth to gain our worth, but we always have it. *

Story about how she felt inclined to put a name in the temple. But, she was right there to help that situation, and was allowed to because she listened to the spirit, though it made no sense.

*If the person who was supposed to teach me had done so, I would have been a member of the church long ago*

First principle of the gospel is not faith it is Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.

Only one name that can help or produce any hope in us.

Faith is active and leads to good works. Priciple of action in all intelligence.

Must be consistant in the little things.

* We need to turn our desire to do into the exhiliration of doing.

Not shrinking is far more important that surviving. Neal A. Maxwell

Testimony how we are able to do what we do.

Enough.

I am done. I am not going to be meek about it anymore. I pittied,myself too long always hiding behind a pretense of an optimistic view, but I'll have to toss that southern belle facade aside.

I am far less prettier than I wanted to be, and have achieved much less than my potential indicated, but Nothing that makes me desirable has been lost.

I do not need to cower behind what could have been to the point that I do not become. I will be as beautiful and talented as I ever was, and the fact that I was ought not be denied. I am a bit ugly, but that doesn't matter to my kids, nor does it to anyone else who matters.

Being completely honest about it will be the only thing that saves me. I did feel like I Married well below myself, but I thought it was only temporary, I would find someone and they would raise with me. They say the definition of crazy is to do the same thing over and over and expect something to change. I have been running full steam into a wall. It hurts, but I regroup and try again. But, nothing changes no matter how much I believe it can or will, smash!

Another concept is that you never should marry someone with the intent to change them. But, he wanted to.change and our vision for him was the same.

The real point is that I was not thinking brilliant thoughts when I,married him and so many things which ought to have occurred to me didn't, and I was completely alone trying to figure out what to do.

When doing legal things I had to have others sign for me because I didn't know what I was doing. And now, I have children who rely on me, and I put them first, but right now, I honestly do not even like my husband infact he is repugnant to me. It is not because he isn't attractive physically. That doesn't matter, it is who he is and what he does that troubles,me so much.

But, it is not as an example, it is for my children, for now I keep their life intact, though the feeling is building up in me that it is a bad example to pretend to be in love when I am not. I like to hope that I will love him, for their sake. Or else I make a continual error. First, I should not have ever had those children. But, I do have them and I must keep my responsibility regarding them. Even if it means I loose all hope of happiness.

By happiness, I am referring to the way C.S.Lewis described feeling in shadowlands. At one point he said, "I do not want to be anywhere else." Happiness is leaving the Shadowlands and basking in the sun, though experience is teaching, I do not always pay attention. And I will not cause pain and eternal suffering because I wanted to be happy. I Love my children entirely!