Does this blow your mind?

When I was very young, I used to sense something which I was certain must be an invisible watcher. We had a terrifying fireside in our house on 40 Washington Street in Sandusky, MI. Where I learned that demons were not just myths used to scare children. But, I never considered anything beyond time travelers from the future were always observing me for some reason. Then, I saw that StarTrek movie, I think it is called "Generations" where Data's head becomes visible. That triggered a thought of my "watchers" and it solidified my importance historically, I figured that was what happened with Brandall, maybe with him I would not become what I would or maybe he was used to stop me, etc. Anyway, this was not a healthy imagination, but something that I believed fully. No joking around I believed that someone was watching me though I had no evidence.

Then I saw Fringe with the watchers, and figured that the feeling of being observed must be pretty common to the point that a popular tv could talk about it and expect a following.

I rarely used the telephone because I believed that it was tapped, Ofcourse, so what? Besides, I could use this to my advantage. Now, I use misinformation to mislead and misdirect, sorta like. Jedi saying "These are not the droids that you are looking for." While waving my hand In front of the screen.

Ha ha!

I actually got upset in college thinking that I was old enough to know my future, wouldn't I be trusted enough to know, So, instead I decided to create a story of my own, then use situation to prove it false, which it should be,because my story was too fantastic to be belived, yet, it was supported and always could be true, and still, much later and much different with a life full of experience, my story still remains plausible, though my life is hardly typical, still something must shout out that it was all false.

So far, nothing has,been proved true either, unless the small moments when a word, not a story, or a notion totally immobilized. Still, I have imagined something happening, that if it were true it just seems like I would know.

Here is a similitude of how it feels, in a way even those who are sane can understand: in a contest or pageant, there is only one winner, and though all present might deserve or believe that they could win, when they gather to the award ceremony and wait to hear the winner announced everyone looks around wondering who would it be, would it be obvious to tell beforehand somehow.

To me it seems that if someone is obviously deserving of wining, then they would know, like "challenges" for top placement in band.

Or in a beauty pageant, no one knows what attributes will be favored by those responsibile for judging, and that is exactly how I feel. C.S.Lewis wrote about my thoughts in a book "The Great Divorce" where those who died were suprised at who ended up in Heaven. It seemed that the qualifications were not what they had supposed, still it was most curious that those who felt worthy were extremely uncomfortable in the place called Heaven that they visited and wanted to go home where they belonged.

I want to share a story that I heard yesterday. A taxi driver and a high couselor had died and met St. Peter met them at the "pearly gates"and he asked them to.follow him to the place prepared for them. They followed to a beautiful mansion and he told the taxi driver that was his home. Then he continued on with the high counselor to an old shack. The man cried, but this isn't fair, I don't understand. I have been a servant of the Lord all of my days. Then Peter asked, but how did you serve? He explained that he gave numerous talks to buoy up the saints. Peter explain, yes you did. But, as you spoke most people slept whereas when the taxi driver drove everyone stayed awake.

It is a joke Ofcourse.