We do actually loose

So many thoughts have come and gone, but this one remains as a sort of tickling fear. Why do we work so hard to gain things that cannot ever be truly ours?

My real contemplation is how important it is for every one who ever breathed to enjoy the blessings that come from going to the temple.

The idea started as I contemplated what was of most significance to give my children and why exactly I needed them to be together. I feel a strange urgency that, though I love them all the same, I never felt for the older children. It was confidence that they had been taught and would do what was best, I thought. But, really it stems from the fact that they are sealed to me and the peace that comes from knowing that nothing can really take them from me.

I do worry a great deal about the other children though. I really have no claim on them, I am just a temporary steward. But, it is important to me that they know and do the right things for themselves, and that their time with me will have taught them.some valuable truths. I really fear Nick's influence and it is not good. He is lazy and does not value eternal thing, although he professes to accept, it produces no action. It was wrong of me to sort of force him into marriage as now our children are growing up believing that it us ok to accept the gospel, but not do anything about it. That is central to my fears. Then, it stems out to compassion, no, empathy for every soul that really ever loved another.

Now, I cannot effect everyone, although I can see more of a possibility with manipulation of the internet. Still, if I am living daily with these few and nothing, chances are I will be fruitless elsewhere. I think of two more things that I do not have suffient time to work into a paragraph so I'll include them as bullets:
     1) There have been countless individuals who suspected they made no impact, when, though not marked they effected in a profound way.
     2) The hearts of the children need to be turned to their fathers. I never saw a significance there though I figured that there was one. I focused on each individual and figured that who they married was greater significance than who begat them, but they ought to be.sealed to both.

In college we performed a play "You Can't Take it With You". I was the insignificant drunk actress, but my best friend had a greater role. She was the stage manager. The play taught an audience (if they listened) what is truly valuable stays with us. But, I learned a greater lesson the night we broke into a building and hid in a dark classroom within earshot while they deliberated about the casting. I nearly didn't get a part because LeAnne was of greater worth as a stage manager and they believed that I would be a distraction keeping her from her duties.

Sorry to get distracted here, but I was remembering how I did not have to attend so many rehearsals, so I hid in the catwalk and pretended to be the "Ghost of Hines hall", because I needed to be there anyway cause we started a new group of stupid college kids who sought out ways to scare one another and that night was a trip to the witches cemetery in Michie, TN.