An observation

If you are persistant, what you are doing may be come ridiculous.  I was making the girls practice a song over and over and over and exasperated Brooksie told me that the word Give made her laugh now because they sang it too much and she needed a break. I remember laughing so hard at the table with my family when we were talking about Hawaii 5 O. For some reason the word chin was hilarious and my Brother was trying to share an insightful comment about the character, but we could not stop repeating the name chin until it was a purely rediculous word to us.

I am like an oversaid word for most. It is politely called an acquired taste. The point is I am too something. I have been called too deep, or intense, or even a psycho chick, the point is that I need to be understood and I never give up. It is too much for most to take in.

For instance you say hi and I have a million and one things to say about that which leads me to something else the whole while making sense in my head but not adequately leading anyone else along the way so I appear to have unexpected, sporadic thoughts on Any given topic. Face to face I do much better, because I am naturally an actress and aware of my audience reaction. But, it frustrates me almost more to sense that I am not understood or appreciated because I am not understood.

What I am feeling right now happens periodically when I get sick of myself and I start to become something else to me, like a joke. I hate myself and look for a way to simplify everything and solve it.

When I am going through this stage I start to think that maybe I am like a spider spinning a web but missing the big picture. Maybe I could be like Charlotte or something! And be useful, or maybe nothing matters, and all of my little rules are imagined and I am,pointlessly trapped. Really, what is the worse case anyway? I end up dead what do I fear more than death? Why does my reputation matter so much? Anyway, I'll get some sleep and be fine in the morning... Until next time.