Not what was expected

At first, being as I was so aware of it, I used to note it and feel ashamed that I almost always concluded or did the unexpected. it was like the expected was what I was supposed to do so I became, to myself, a blatant non-conformist, although I was troubled because I did not fit in with the other non-conformists. I just read about how we all need to belong, well, maybe the word need I a bit strong, we all desire to belong and we derive a whole lot of identity from belonging. I was always upset that I did not belong with my family, so I tried my darndest to create a place I belonged a "home". I was at peace. I was happy, then all of a sudden everything burst and I had to do over, so admittedly I had done something wrong. Lately, I have been feeling like it was all of my running to find home was actually running from it. I thought that dreaded "if only" start to creep up on me. I felt like I had really messed everything up, but I had intended to make things that were not right, right. Once again, the results were not expected. Seriously, should I have expected anything else? My thoughts right now are that getting back to good are wasted, not that I do not believe in the atonement, on the contrary I always seem to fall into that little area called the exception. So, it makes sense that I would be able to interpret a different way, to fit my exceptional life, to believe and apply the enabling power of the atonement in my life to keep going but go back to a happier starting point. I have a song in my mind: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8fQ3L_XPOk If you mess up a recipe It is assumed that you will end up with a messed up end product, sensible? Not really, you might end up with an unintended masterpiece. Just yesterday I was discussing veganism with someone, and we discussed how much better it is to just do what you do and not try to convince everyone that your way was better. but, After years of eating vegetables that a desired result happened and now everyone wants to match those results, but it is like a recipe...enjoy the journey not just the destination. Plus, because you cannot emulate every factor that was added to make the result. With baking things like elevation and humidity factor in too, more than you might think. The same is true with people, although a person has a desired quality to assume that it can be replicated through veganism might cause death if not done right. we also discussed how we thought it was better to just sort of fudge on a diet than stress over not allowing a thing you want. If it was you who wanted the diet, it is you who decides what to eat, and unless you can convince yourself that you need to stick to the diet it is just better to allow an occasional cheat. I loved what my cousin said about it. She said that her students asked her why she drank diet sodas, but then ate so unhealthily. And she said that she chose her battles. That is how any success is achieved. wars are won through several battles along the way. the best way to clean a huge mess is to focus on one thing at a time. Ultimately, how could you actually expect a result unless you were extremely controlling? Again, I think Of Jesus Christ. There is a scene on the 100 where a girl says to her brother that the people only need saving at all because of him. And that is sort of why We needed a savior, because we were given the ability to choose and really it was expected that things would fail, right? So, I can take a lot of comfort in that rather than believing that I could not be compensated for, it is nice to know going into the test that no matter how badly I fail, it was covered. The plans of a God can not be frustrated.