I am not feeling well at all. I noticed it yesterday how even jist trying to stand was getting very hard to do. I figured that I just needed sleep to reset my being or something, but still today I am wracked with an ilness. I can only think it might be depression.
I cry every time I think of the chilldren. I miss them so much. They are me and I love them. No solution is acceptable to me unless it includes them. I think, well, maybe my tie is only for now to learn love. I surely hope they are married themselves, happily ever after.
I do not think much about my own parents but love them and am sealed to them. It is that feeling that has me so depressed.
It all boils down to the Love of a spouse and in this case, I do not have it. I was closer thr first time? But thought it was not right, so I needed to do better. Well, here I am and it is worse. I thought, maybe if I served him or prayed to see him as God saw him...but, that won't work forever. I need to be in love. I was but Brandall did not love me. Nick does, and I can make that work in this life, but ultimately, love, to be eternal, must be two-sided.
I can love him for this life, but is that honestly enough? Well, it isn't worth my children and family for.
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