help!

uuurgh! Today was a doozey already. (It is only 9 am) I wonder if it is a big hint sometimes. I cannot rely on others for help on what to do, I suppose my days of claiming "sick invalid" are over I am aware of what I choose and say, and it was very hard to just not get out quick! I've been here before, though, and currently I am weighing regrets not opportunities that is why things seem so bleak. I have been taught better. But, my trouble is with loosing faith in the promises of youth. Like, I believe that God is loving and has a great relationship with everyone else, but instead he strangely abandons me and though I beg for a thing, like the things that we are asked to do. I want a husband who loves me and wants to do good and thinks the thinks of Eternity are more important. Broken down: It is one of those days where I strongly feel that my attempts to not be part of the world are constantly being thwarted by those who I thought would be help not hindrances.

 I want to spend some time by myself and just scream until my head is clear. I suppose we all go through this, others just handle it better. Well, I have never been tied to conventionalisms so, feeling depressed is not good for me. Maybe I need professional help...

But, I think I will just cry for a while, then read scriptures they are already filling my mind.

Then, a very good thing for anyone to do is read conference talks. I do not doubt the words spoken by our apostles are the things God would say if he were here and that is honestly what I was expecting. It reminds me of the timer Peggy Roach told about how she honestly thought that she would see Jesus Christ in the temple. Well, I still do. but, neither of us has.

The way I feel is similar to the early saints who always thought their happy place had been found, just to be persecuted. still they endured and finally found a place "which God for us prepared..."