Natural state of things

Let's start at the very beginig. it's a very good place to start....Who says there has to be a begining just because that's how we see things in nature. I think things have no begining or end.

It makes sense that I would have a breaking point, everything does, right? I had always thought of myself as a gas though, sure there are solids, with enough heat they turn to liquid and so on, but I am just always in an aggitated state which fascinated others for a time, but one friend in college got mad at me once and said, "Don't you ever let up?" I realized that I am better in small doses for the public, but never sure which dose to offer. I just outpour constantly, but do you wonder yet what happens after gas? I do.

I am guessing that because of conservation, Things don't disappear. They just change. We always assume Gas eventually evaporates (ascension?), but I think we just can't comprehend it yet. Some old greek dude, Diederot, or something like that, spoke about how there are particles all aroud that cannot be comprehended, he likely meant things like molecules or electrons which require special equipment to see.

And my mom told me about a cool thing called "Astral photography", I think,
where they photograph things like leaves after part has been removed and the
image of the entire leaf is stil present, sort of in spirit, it explains the
whole "Phantom Limb" effect, too

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But, even the large things, like planets and constellations suggest that where there is one there is one greater (like my dad explained the Abrahamic pictographs to me). likewise who dares say that infiniti doesn't continue in smallness? I saw a video at an engineering camp by Carl Sagan where he said something like that only more succinctly, given time and expectations, I am starting to think maybe I could, too. Want to know why? It;s likely a good segue anyway. I listened to different performers of broadway tunes and marveled at how awesome they were, for instance, I heard Adelaide's Lament and thought, I could never do that, but as I practiced and many facets became natural and things that I didn't need to practice, like muscle memory for playing basketball. Practice took a lot of things off of my mind so I could focus on performing. I realized that not only could I sing as well, but I could actually out perform those recordings, because I had more potential than them. They were locked as they were, never to improve.

As you know. I had a brain/nervous system injury, that left me unable to do alot of things, but, in a way, it helped me focus on what I could do. Until I m able to do those things again. Plus, doing without really makes you appreciate things! I really really know how much I love music. Like Bach, if his father hadn't forbidden him to study, he might have never become that great master that we know today. OK, that leads up to my point. I listened to music to an extreme yesterday, in brain scans, it has been shown how sections "light up" when there is music played, this shows activity. I think all of the music made me a touch too active or overdependent. Sure I like music, but enough is enough! Could it be that I do have a breaking point? What happens If I keep listening? Well, I gave it a try, and it produced a sort of "Honesty effect".

I no longer desire to hide things (maybe it is a need to make room for other thoughts). As I heard a very simple song that I wrote yesterday, meaning to be critical, I just kept thinking about how people are eternal and how we want to be loved as we look right now, but really the part to love isn't even effected by our sight (eyes). So, I wasn't very critical and tried to relisten and "do over" but, it happened again, I can hold back this thought though, to avoid redundancy. My thoughts were more specific, but I thought. I honestly have never valued a person at all by their looks, so no matter how someone appears it will be and always be extremely attractive to me. I thought, well, you haven't actually worked on this song yet, but I didn't bother trying. It is pointless right now.

It is snowing, kinda funny to me, you know how snow is really just a more space consuming version of that stuff we call water. We call it water because that is how it APPEARS in our natural state. We are 70%+ made of water, wonder what happens to it in a different state (organization).

I'll go be love sick for a while, I think this is love, I'm not too sure though. Don't wait for me. I'm contemplating never comming back. Talk amongst yourselves: Have you ever been in love? If so, what do you think love is then?