I ought to be sleeping...

I had this strange thought about a story that I wrote when I was really really young and read it recently when going through old notebooks, having no recollection of even thinking that story, but it was such a great one, it unfolded like a movie that I would very much like to see, or s Nickelback puts it "The moment when we meet plays like a sceene straight from the silver screen." I got waay side tracked thinking about how art works are too often assumed to be autobiograhical, this was not the case, but I remember as I read it thinking, "yeah, I like that notion. It made me think of the awesome thing I was taught about the reason women are barren, cause I had thought alot about it, in our Shakespeare Course we discussed that many held the role of women to be to beget offspring, making women who did not perform this function "Nun" or of no consequence, but I was taught that a thing is more appreciated if it seems miraculous. This is the case with such sons born to barren women. The child is so much more appreciated because it waa sincerely wanted.

My father recently taught me to consider if things are wanted or needed and that most often we give up what we need for what want "right now!" I had for a long tie thought something similar about Obedience and sacrifice, illustrated best by the story of Abraham and Isaac. Now, he (Abraham) could have very easily rationalized that his son was of too much worth, but he didn't. I think we are all given some rare talent or blessing then asked to give it up. And ultimately it might seem, if we think about it, like the less intelligent or reasonable thing to do, but that is why we are asked to be obedient and develop trust. if it wasn't difficult would it have as much value to us? I'm thinking about running long distances, Why do we do that? Understand?

Ok, My little thought. I fret too often about nt having what I need because when it was all set in place my choice was for what I wanted "right now." I had abandoned me eternal thoughts and was focused on having more children, that's what I'm for right? Well, so I didn't get what I needed after just writing the song "finding what I need." But, The battle was lost to myself. but the war will not be won by the reasoning of men, though it really is all in my best interest right now... Through providence things will work out for the best, And when I finally do get what I need It will be more miraculous because it wasn't just given to me. as soon as I wanted it, but I'll get everything I need. I do not doubt that.

In conclusion I am filled with a mental image of this lake from my story and I just wonder what ever possessed me to write such a story that be wilders me, but likewise I wonder why I am up right now typing this.