It's what is expected

I am able to find many loopholes to get out of a thing I feel locked into, that is wrong. but, the most important thing to consider is that I am even looking for loopholes, they will always be there, and always be found. I read a preface by C. S. Lewis where he explained that the world is so big and diverse that as we are in greater contact with others, finding like minds becomes easier. Ok, that is what I got from it, he said that no matter how odd a thing seems or unlikely to find support. When he says something, there is always someone who will say, "Me too!!" for instance, I love flat rootbeer. I purposely leave the cap loose so that the fizz will go away. I mentioned it as one of my quirks to my first husband and it ends up that has always been a secret love of his, too.

So, the key I have found to sticking to a thing, surround yourself with others whom you genuinely love, is focusing on what you do know and love and you are more likely to find others who will have made choices to lead them there that will help you find peace and do not look for the loopholes. Life is happier when we just quietly do what we love because, it is what we do.

Now, I want to dwell for a moment on covenants. And how they are promises. And I could break a promise, though not likely , unless it was a promise made to God. Mind you, I have sort been left in an impossible situation where I promised in the temple to love Brandall forever, but then he divorced me. I did not make the best choice. I remarried. Even worse is that I had children when, in actuality, I had no right to do that, but, now even the atonement cannot mend things. And so, I am married to one who I genuinely do not want to be with, but will remain that way because I love the children  and that is what is expected.

Oh, wait. The atonement could mend things. though, as another friend pointed out, we have to give others their agency. but, I could love my husband even if it does not naturally happen, by forgiving him, I suppose. There are things and ways that I could mold my affections into something they are not, after all it is what I hope to have happen by staying in Utah, when naturally I hate it here, but I want to like it, so I must become someone who likes it. Besides I heard this wisdom and clung to it: "Naturally, we might find a lot of comradery, but sin (our natural state) requires repentance." repentance sets us apart as different and better. It is part of the Atonement. Like in the Garden of Eden, when Adam & Eve disobeyed a commandment, they had a way out, it was though promising to do better with their 2nd chance, which was a gift of the Atonement. Though Christ, they were able to live as if they had never disobeyed, they were forgiven.

I just have a difficult time with others who, like a bath, expect to get clean while lying in their filth. I am so extremely glad that Jesus did not. He endured things and constantly did what was expected of him. When I meet him again, I want to be able to fully understand why he did and be able to report that, "yeah! I did what was expected." I will likely say more or nothing. :)

Now, back to life...