a real tear-jerker, true.
by Melissa Babcock Holden on Friday, August 5, 2011 at 9:24am
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I was listening to Michelle Branch the lyrics said something along the lines of holding your hand so I know where you go when your gone. That thought took me instantly, in reverie to Lena's bed side one night as I was tucking her in, after my return from months in the hospital. She asked me to hold her hand like in the hospital so that I wouldn't disappear when she closed her eyes. Then she asked me another time after Brandall ditched me at my parents house, and they were visiting me. She asked why I never came. She told me that she saved a spot for me next to her at lunch and she never let anyone sit there, but I never came.
He was so selfish, only thinking of himself. It caused problems for all of the kids, her especially. When a friend was sick or moved she freaked out. Serious abandonment issues, even her school teacher noted and spoke to him about it. There is never a need for that! And so, my place is here with my children, I have no other path nor consideration anyway. my "me" time is over, something Brandall was too self-absorbed to see. He was too preoccupied with my mote to see his beam. kinda ironic, huh?
I need to tell one more story, though I'm no good at telling them, use you imagination. I'll give the skeletal plot:
A husband and wife were unhappy and wanted a perfection that just wouldn't be, so they decided to assit things along by sharing their critical observations. The woman wisely asked the man to go first while she pulled out this terribly long list of things he needed to change. and so he started...uh oh! This could get messy, huh, every couple goes through a disilussionment stage where the other can do nothing right.
so he started and said, "Nothing. I've got nothing. You're perfect! just the way you are." Now who was wise? The woman felt both flattered and ashamed. She tossed her list and it was over, and with all stories they lived happily ever after. Happiness is a decision, don't expect it to ever be easy.
That reminds me of so many other stories. One where a woman was watching her neigbor do laundry, and wanted to tell her how to really clean it because she was hanging up dirty clothes, but her husband advised her otherwise. this happened many days, till one day, the clothes were clean. She told her husband who explained that he took care of it. He washed the windows. How many stories like this is our life comprised of? Teaching moments?
The last story is about an old couple, the woman calls to her husband. Nothing. She repeats this in vain several times until she is in the same room he answers (they are both yelling, now), "What?" and the woman explains that she had been calling and is deeply concerned about His hearing. He chuckles hartily and explains that everytime he responded.
Two observations: Dad would be happy that the men aren't made to look rediculously stupid, and I've noticed how Utah people love to tell stories in talks and lessons. I actually learn more/better in stories. My favorite one is story used to explain the lofty subjects of Justice and Mercy.
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why I dislike psychology.
by Melissa Babcock Holden on Saturday, July 9, 2011 at 11:54am
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It goes beyond the facade of disgust Dr. Brenan shows on the tele, though I concur, I don't interogate criminals very often, nor have I yet found a need to explain the human behavior in my surroundings with fanciful spectulations. I have often created the ACT question in my head of astronomy is to astrology as philosophy is to what and filled the blank with psychology, but I can now see the error. Philosophy is speculative, too. So, I have decided to love neurobiology, and am excited to learn what it's study will teach me Now, back to my topic, Psychology has a right to the name neuroscience, in a sense, if it is actually a scientific study of the brain, which it tries to be, much like democrats try to be democratic. One reason I dislike psychology is that it fails to do what it claims. I think most people dislike hypocrisy in any form. Psychology does try to study the brain, asserting that it must be studied as a whole, intact; however, that usually leaves one without any real answers and just alot of fanciful ideas. Take Freud for instance. but, I have to address the thoughtful readers who are shaking their heads before I loose them. What do I asser makes Philosophy any better? Without much thought, I'd say it's purpose. William Shakespeare said that a Rose by any other name would smell so sweet. This concept proves that what you call a thing does npt diminish or change it's intended purpose. And I am much more fond of the purpose of Philosophy. Wait, I like the purpose of psychology, but I already suggested that it is a hypocritical study. And it is because I love neuroscience so much that I don't like psychology and what it does to make a mockery of the science of the brain. upon consideration, it is not the topic, but the function that I dislike. Wait a sec, isn't that the same as Dr. Brenan? Perhaps, yes. Only, she is fictional and I am not. I'll get older and die, or less morbidly, I'll age and become wiser.
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reoccurring dream blog.
by Melissa Babcock Holden on Wednesday, July 6, 2011 at 10:21pm
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I keep thinking about how dreams are used, In high school I used to just look at my notes so each page would be in my brain then I'd study in my dreams. My mom repirmanded me explaining that sleep was a time to rest and dreams have another purpose, I figured it was wrong to use a good thing for the wrong purpose, like the internet is used for ulterior purposes sometimes. Anyway, I stopped that practice, I knew that I could control my dreams, but like Barbie movies and Cinderella movies maybe I'm still wishing a little in my dreams twisting them to be as I secretly want, though my conscious mind denies it, I pretend they are supernatural manifestations. Then particular ideas come back and sort of haunt my dreams, like any recurring thing we start to think on them giving them the power unwittingly to influence us. I am going to write a couple down here. So my actions, if any follow will be understood.
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Melissa Babcock Holden I keep dreaming that someone is studying with me for an upcoming exam and I jokingly say, "think we're on the same page?" This means so much more than I'm letting on. There is far more to it, but this much communicates the jist.
July 6 at 10:27pm · Like.
Melissa Babcock Holden Someone is doing a magic trick with a coin, but as hard as I try I cannot figure it out.
July 6 at 10:29pm · Like.
Melissa Babcock Holden I am given a sheet of trancelucent paper and asked to match the drawing exactly. I find one that's pretty close and tape the sheet down. a loud buzzer announces that I failed. I get angry cause if there was a correct one, and it was already known why the heck did I have to do it? I thought I was helping out.
July 6 at 10:34pm · Like.
Melissa Babcock Holden Lastly, I cannot make any sense of this one! I am visiting a friend in prison, and start singing about how now it's harder to avoid consequences because they aren't immediate. Infact, nobody knows when they'll come. then, I hand a cupcake and a book through the bars and say that I have to go cause it's raining. but, in reality I love the rain!
July 6 at 10:40pm · Like.
Melissa Babcock Holden I would like to dream about the relationships or ratios that exsist in star placement compared to triads. I want to uderstand it and know!
July 9 at 11:58am · Like
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super heroes.
by Melissa Babcock Holden on Sunday, June 26, 2011 at 3:38pm
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Though, it's quite the pasttime to dream about having super powers, watching heroes made me contemplate the question, "What can I use that power to do?" or "How does saving a lowly texas cheerleader save the world?" The answer is quite C.S.Lewisish in it's simplicity.By small and simple means are great thing brought to pass...And many times it is little things that confound the great.
Sure, I'd like to be like Thor, but is that necessary to get what I want?
First, it should be established what is of most worth to me to accomplish. Hmm, probably being beautiful. Then, I realized that alot of the people I admired most, hence are beautiful, aren't more physically alluring or of the "Knock-out" persuasion. I may not be able to change my appearance, but I do not need a super power to become that kind of beautiful, though it will take effort. I can do it, slowly, but surely.
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Sorry, Good news!.
by Melissa Babcock Holden on Friday, June 24, 2011 at 6:51am
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First, I must apologize, to those of you who were hoping I'd come to a different conclusion.
I was, is elated the right word? Nevertheless, I was giddy with anticipation to see my honest questions taken seriously, a thing I never ever expected. I figured, my feet were firmly planted anyway, so freely asking questions was of no concern, but no one I asked, besides my mother, ever gave me good comprehendable answers.
What was my question? How could the inconsistancies of my "solid wall" be explained? To me, it was alot like building a foundation and then discovering flaws, though hard work, I would find a way to mend those imperfections even if it meant starting over.
What did this wise mother of mine say? That I was seeing it wrong. This made sense because I still had difficulty seeing the answer to a puzzle about 3 stranded business men that I was even told the answer. I was highly concerned about the DNA evidence against Native Americans being Isreali. That can be extrapolated. I tried to explain it by patching my "little flaw" with sand and spittle, by trying to believe in Aliens, too long to explain, and doesn't have much to do with my point. My mom explained that man/science cannot understand of explain everything, so, like in geometery, we deduce what we need from what we do know.
I did know alot of other things that needed no repair, that I felt completely certain of. Then when someone else offered their answer, though very sound, I was able to look myself in the eye and know that what I had was sure. The answer tried to poke at another angle that had no flaw. My conclusion was that I had, like the guy in Dune, tasted the water of life and lived. My foundation has no cracks now, and to know that it may for some is easily explained away by the belief that even the most salwart will be led away. so, no one can shake my sure foundation, No one! Eeeek! no sooner than I typed that Brigham Young came to mind saying, "Never bost of such things! It is a sure fire way to fall." He's right about that, but, I do not even have a problem with his teachings about Adam & Eve, that I spent hours watching carefully, trying to understand in a way that made sense.
Joseph is awake, I hear " Hey, We've got work to do!" "I've got another load to make." "Good work, buddy. Let's get another load." I better go get him, "I'm ruuning rough today!"
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Melissa Babcock Holden http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYc9_OVUxwI from the scify version. blech.
June 24 at 7:07am · Like.
Melissa Babcock Holden http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAmjkr4RISU thisa one is better!!!
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please read often.
by Melissa Babcock Holden on Tuesday, June 21, 2011 at 10:41pm
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Do not expect immediate results. Plants don't grow over night. Work with what you've got, don't wait for a magic moment and poof everything will be as you wished. Think about Beethoven and go do more than feel sorry for yourself! Don't expect others to understand you, but enjoy it when they happen to. Most importantly, accomplish!
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Lotus Rummler likes this..
Melissa Babcock Holden You'll never understand why Brandall divorced you. Big whoop. That's probably a good indication that you weren't on the same page, look at it as a favor, not a curse. You have been very fortunate, and anything but Forsaken, which reminds me, you, us, finish reading TWOT!
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