I intend to spend my time in other ways, like my music. I cannot even tell you how much I love the song I'm crafting right now. it is no where near my expectations, but it is demonstrating progress and proving to me that I can, in fact find happiness an peace though creating things even if I cannot have any more childen, music seems unlikely, but it is still in the realm of believability for me. Thank goodness for the computer! I do not need to rely on my own skills anymore to write beaty, I just cannot perform it, yet.
I figure it must be love that Nick and I have because it will require a higher force to hold us together, I expect it will, too. life has so many other challenges, you cannot leap from one and expect to land in a bed of feathers. So just keep plodding along and figure out what would make you happy. If you decide that your happiness even really matters, which it sort of does, hence "the plan of happiness." gets it's name.
Everything I planned out all day yesterday is foolish. If i were wise I would only stick with realities, but, I never claimed to be wise. And who gets to decide what is percieved as reality? If I get to decide what is real for me, real is a life where both types of ideas survive (spiritual and intellectual).
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